Much has been written about what bothers introverts, but I’ve found few articles that discuss the things that annoy an extrovert. The following post is my attempt to fill in this gap.
As I’ve stated in my Quietly Unconventional Manifesto, I firmly believe that everyone has equal right to be seen, understood, and respected for who they are. That means we introverts need to understand and respect extroverts as much as they do us.
When others cancel at the last moment
Extroverts look forward to the activities they have planned with others. Doing fun things with others is what recharges their inner batteries.
Therefore, when others beg off at the last minute, or simply don’t show up, it’s more than a minor inconvenience. I remember how crushed my extroverted son was when our Friday night plans got canceled. Adults cope with disappointment better than eight-year-olds, but the pain is still legitimate.
Therefore, be respectful of others and honor your social commitments. If you’ve given your word to attend something or meet someone, follow through. Even if you’d rather stay home.
Fake excuses
In similar fashion, it will annoy an extrovert if you offer fake excuses for why you don’t want to join them. Instead, respect them by giving them honest answers.
If you decline an invitation, or need to cancel your plans with them, don’t claim you need to work on a project if the real reason is you’re too tired.
Being forced to leave events early
Since extroverts are energized by social connections, it makes sense that they want to stay at an activity as long as possible. That way they gain as much fun and recharging as possible.
If their significant other is an introvert with a very different tolerance for social activity, this can cause problems. The introvert will probably feel a need to escape the event and return home long before their extrovert partner wants to leave.
It’s best to discuss this issue ahead of time and come to an agreement, to avoid disappointing unspoken expectations on either side. One solution is to come in different vehicles. Another is to agree ahead of time to stay until a certain time.
Too much solitude
While all of us benefit from moments of quiet and solitude, extroverts don’t tolerate solitude nearly as well as introverts. That’s because they find being alone as draining as introverts find being with other people.
No room for spontaneity
Extroverts generally thrive on novelty and are usually excited to accept spur-of-the-moment invitations. If their partner or friends refuse to go along with anything that hasn’t been planned ahead of time, it cramps their style.
As with most things, balance and compromise are needed. The planners need to sometimes be flexible and join in last-minute plans. And the free spirits need to honor how stressful it can be for planners if they are never able to prepare ahead of time.
Having messages ignored
One sure-fire way to annoy an extrovert is to ignore their messages.
I admit I am guilty of this. I receive a text, email, or call but instead of responding immediately, I put it off. My excuse is that I don’t have time right then to give thought to a complete answer.
Unfortunately, my lack of response may feel like rejection to the sender.
The solution: we should all strive to answer messages in a timely fashion. Even if we don’t have time to answer fully, we can send a short reply. Something like, “I’ll get back to you” or “Busy now. Talk later.”
This does two important things. It lets the sender know we received the message, and it lets the sender know we aren’t ignoring or rejecting them.
Introvert friends who never say yes to social activities
Introverts may find a quiet evening at home is the best possible way to relax and recharge, but extroverts don’t agree.
Extroverts gain energy through social interaction. If their friends continue to decline one invitation after another, it begins to feel like rejection.
Just as everyone needs solitude from time to time, so too, everyone needs social connection with others. I know it takes effort for introverts to attend social events, but sometimes we must honor our friends and do so. To show we love them.
And to be honest, most of the time, once I get my butt out of the house, I have fun. So, I’m learning to say yes more often.
Playing the introvert card as an excuse
One thing that really annoys an extrovert? Using the fact you’re an introvert as an excuse to get out of anything social you don’t want to attend. This is selfish.
In anything, if we want others to understand and respect our temperament and our needs, we must understand and respect theirs. Which means both introverts and extroverts need to be sensitive to the other’s needs and preferences. We must find ways to compromise so everyone is content, and we must be willing to get out of our comfort zone to support the other when possible.
You might also enjoy these posts
Understanding temperament differences
Bridging the introvert-extrovert gap
Post updated 7/26/2024
wonderful! so tongue-in-cheek 🙂 I hope to see this in print soon – in tandem with your introvert post. I see the applications for marriage enrichment most strongly, although friendships would benefit, too.
Hmm, great ideas. I’ll have to see where this takes me next.
Really, does anyone like making those sort of phone calls? I’m not sure you can play the introvert card when it comes to complaining about that health insurance denial you just received. NO ONE enjoys that! And I’m not sure any extrovert has ever been discouraged by statistics (unless it’s in the form of a statistics class).
I didn’t say it would work, just that it would annoy them. 🙂
Regarding phone calls, I was referring (somewhat facetiously) to any phone call. An introvert will simply pay the bill rather than make that phone call to the insurance.
What a fun blog! Loved your observations, as I am one who is an introvert but secretly wishes, and actually attempts to be, an extrovert.
Thanks. In today’s society, extrovert strengths are often necessary to succeed. But that doesn’t mean we can’t all appreciate our own true strengths as well.