Dreading the Event

There are some events on my calendar that I look forward to; family birthday celebrations, an upcoming show or concert, lunch with friends. Then there are those other events. The ones I stress over. The ones that approach with a growing sense of panic.

I am not talking about appointments for root canals, or job interviews, or the upcoming visit of the Bigwigs from Corporate. I am referring to social events, specifically obligatory occasions such as a reception, awards banquet or company dinner, that I would rather avoid, but cannot because it is important to someone I love.

What’s the big deal, you may be wondering. Why stress over a banquet? Aren’t they supposed to be fun?

Three reasons I dread certain events:

Deciding what to wear: An event implies a certain dress code, one that is rarely spelled out because everyone but me seems to know what is expected. Is this event formal? Semi-formal? Business casual? And how do those vague terms apply to the clothing hanging in my closet? Keep in mind that I am a fashion-challenged and color-challenged engineer. Selecting the correct attire is a puzzle that has forever baffled me. On top of that, I have weather issues. I often find that I am dressed for weather that is either warmer or colder actual conditions. (In other words, I tend to dress for yesterday’s weather.) To sum up my little wardrobe quandary: Even if by some miracle I choose the right style of attire, and select pieces and accessories that actually match, I have a good chance of spending the event either freezing or sweating because I guessed wrong about the weather (or the temperature inside the building.) Taking all of this into account, I calculate that I have approximately a 13.8% chance of getting it right. Do you see why I am stressed?

Aaugh! Too many choices.

Leaving my comfort zone: An event means I will be meeting people I don’t know. Lots of them. In fact, receptions and such often entail gatherings where I know practically no one. I like people, I really do. [OK, friends, this is your cue to chime in and tell everyone what a nice, friendly person I am… There, now I feel better.] However, my introvert tendencies leave me feeling overwhelmed when I am surrounded by strangers—especially if the idea is to hobnob with as many of them as possible. And don’t forget that the entire time I am sure everyone else is thinking critical thoughts about my wardrobe choices, or rolling their eyes because I still use a not-so-smart-phone, or snickering to themselves because my hair decided to defy all efforts at styling no matter how many Maximum Hold products I used …

 Being in the know: Those attending an event are often united by a certain topic of interest.  If I am attending the event because of a loved one, I may not know much said topic, leading to long, awkward pauses in the conversation. My brain is stuffed full of education, data, and knowledge, but my interests tend toward the obscure (knowing the first fifteen Roman Emperors, in order), the esoteric ( ‘ai’ ‘oe’ ‘xu’ ‘nth’ ‘qat’ & ‘zax’ are all legal Scrabble words) or the overly-engineerish (If you stand with your toes in the ocean and look out to sea, the horizon is only three miles away.) None of these are likely to induce snappy conversation at a sports banquet or theater opening. And I am woefully uninformed on topics like professional sports, current news, the music scene, television, celebrities, or pretty much any other common small-talk subject. (I can talk about what the weather was like yesterday—after all, I am dressed for it.)

And there you have it.

Now you understand why I am dreading that date approaching on the calendar. But never fear, I plan to wrestle my insecurities into submission and attend the event anyway. I might even smile.

So the next time you are attending a banquet or reception, look for people like me, the ones standing on the edge of the group, taking tiny sips from the drink gripped tightly in our hand and looking somewhat dazed. Wander over and introduce yourself, then get us talking about something we care about. We will thank you for it.

Is is safe to come out now?