Today I am featuring a guest post by Beth Branch. Beth is a 50-something wife and mother, who shares her thoughts about the many changes in her life, including an empty nest, facing chronic pain and aging parents. She writes, “As life comes full circle and we care for our parents as they cared for us, you will read personal experiences and see how God sustains us through it all. It is my prayer that by reading about my life, it will bless your life. Just view me as a few steps ahead of you on the journey, and I am willing to be vulnerable and share it all with you.” Read more of Beth’s encouragement at at her site, He is the Vine; I am But One of His Branches.
NOTE: This post focuses on elder care. If you are looking for my thoughts on kids leaving the empty nest, read this post.
There I sat, feeling the initial pangs of emptiness, as my youngest son walked across the stage, graduating from college. I knew my nest would be vacated in the coming years, as each son set out on their adult life, no longer needing me.
As soon as those feelings began, ones that I had dreaded since becoming a mother, new ones appeared. I was not prepared for these. My nest might not be empty for long. My parents now needed ME.
A new chapter
For years and years, my parents had been a source of encouragement for us, a source of wisdom. We were now entering a new chapter, a chapter that may be a long one. The tables were turning on me.
We all know as we age, this physical body begins to fall apart. We deal with life’s aches and pains and we carry on with life. But there will come a time when we need the help of others to “deal with it.” That task often falls to our children. As that child, I was overwhelmed with the possible enormity of the task before me. There were no siblings close by to share the load. Regardless of that fact, this was to be my calling for the next season of my life.
Thankfully, God usually eases us into these new seasons. It may begin with escorting them to a medical appointment. At some point, their memory becomes less dependable: names forgotten, the recollection of a conversation last week, or simply losing track of the fact that they were doing one task before getting distracted and drawn into another. It’s not always a big deal, until someone forgets they are frying chicken on the stove. There comes a time when changes must be made.
This season began with a wrestling match with God over the increased responsibility ahead of me. I MAY have allowed myself to embrace thoughts of “retirement.” Interesting concept. Somehow, I don’t think God “does” retirement.
As you see this season approaching you, keep these things in mind:
1. At some point in your life, you will likely go from caring for your children to caring for someone else. It may very well be one of your parents or perhaps one of your in-laws. It MIGHT actually be your spouse.
2. It may begin as a struggle, altering your focus from being the child RECEIVING FROM your parents to being the child GIVING TO your parents. That is normal. Your heavenly Father is an expert at adjusting the focus of His children. It only requires a willing heart.
3. As challenging as it will likely be for YOU, it will be doubly painful for the GIVER to become the RECEIVER. Their entire life, up to this point, has been about growing, learning, and becoming independent. They are now faced with giving up that independence, sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once.
God does not desire you to move through life in fear of the future. (Matthew 6:34) The Bible tells us to trust in Him, not our own insight. If we yield to Him in every circumstance and He will show us the way. (Proverbs 3:5-6). As you consider these verses in your own life, remember that your loved one is struggling to do the same. Considering their struggle helped me take my mind off myself and my “it’s all about me” perspective. It seems we need constant reminding that It’s all about HIM.
My Experience
In the past year, I have given myself to my parent’s needs as my mother spent almost 6 months under Hospice care. Two of those months I lived with my parents full time. Three months after my mother’s death, my father fell and required surgery, followed by a full month in a rehab facility. We are a hands on family. We advocate for our loved ones. My assignment was to be the voice of my siblings, as we insisted on the best care for our parents in each circumstance. I also struggle with chronic pain, but the Lord has been faithful to strengthen me for each task He has called me to perform.
If you have questions, please comment below. You can also follow me at my blog, oneofhisbranches.com My passion is ministering to women who are entering this same season, to educate them and to encourage them.
