4 Things I Learned from Saying Yes Instead of No

Sometimes we seek opportunity
Sometimes it seeks us.

The other day I received a call from my youth pastor, asking me to chaperone an upcoming high school youth retreat.

It was not a request I had been expecting.

When I mentioned it to my friends—who like me are in the empty nest stage of life—some of them chuckled and others gave me a you-aren’t-seriously-considering-it look.

But I was considering it; in fact I’d already decided to go.

When I said as much, their expressions transitioned from amusement, to surprise, to consternation. I hadn’t been involved in youth ministry before, so why would I want to get involved now, after my kids were past that stage? Had I gone soft in the head, or was I suffering from some bizarre form of mid-life crisis?
My friends would have understood if I had declined. They know I am not the youth-leader type: high-energy, game for any crazy activity and always ready for social interaction. They would not have blamed me for coming up with reasons to say no.
But No was the wrong answer. I knew that from the moment I received the phone call.

All too often I say no to things that seem inconvenient. All too often I stay safely cocooned inside my comfort zone. All too often I listen to the inner critic that tells me I can’t do it because I’m not talented enough, or energetic enough, or charismatic enough, or assertive enough …

This time I said yes. I decided it was time to listen to my own advice about living life with intentionality, trying new things and embracing the opportunities that come my way.

What might you learn from spending a weekend with teens?

I went. I watched. I came home smiling.

And in the process I learned a few things about saying yes to something new:

1. Just getting there is not enough. Agreeing to be stretched does not automatically make me a different person. The weekend was filled with moments where I could either push myself to remain outside my comfort zone or retreat into my introvert hamster ball of safety. Sometimes I stepped up and sometimes I chickened out. At one point the speaker challenged the students to post a 3 x 5 card somewhere reminding them to embrace some behavior that is not yet natural, such as choosing to be a servant, or remembering to respect their parents. I could have used this advice beforehand. Determining ahead of time to be intentional about interacting with others might have helped me be better prepared to initiate conversations rather than simply waiting for them to happen.
2. The nightmares were not realized. By which I mean I arrived home in good spirits after having a pleasant weekend that went mostly as planned. None of the bad things other people imagined came true. When we consider venturing outside our comfort zone, friends and family may cheerfully and helpfully supply us with reasons why it might be a bad idea. We don’t have to listen, no matter how well-meaning the raised eyebrows, bemused head shakes and muttered warnings. Yes, a youth retreat might result in severe sleep-deprivation, or emotional exhaustion from a weekend of defusing inter-clique rivalry, or a brush with near-tragedy that leaves one with a nervous tic whenever the word canoe is mentioned. But it could just as easily result in a spirit encouraged, a heart filled with joy at seeing young men and women taking their faith seriously and renewed feeling of connection to God and the church body. We should never allow other people’s anxieties and fears to keep us from the opportunities God sends our way.
3. My biggest problem was not one I anticipated. The trips out and back were uneventful. (2+ hours to a place I’d never been before driving a fifteen-passenger van. Could have been stressful, but it wasn’t.) The students were well-behaved the entire weekend. I slept better than I have on some vacations. What I was not prepared for was the COLD. I do not function well when I am cold. I get stiff, grumpy and completely unenthusiastic about anything other than getting warm. [All close family members are well aware of this. If Mama ain’t warm, ain’t nobody happy.] Facing a frigid meeting room did not make me a happy camper. No matter how well we plan, unexpected problems will arise. That is life. We can either allow it to ruin everything, or else soldier on despite the discomfort or disappointment. It does pay, however, to consider our particular weaknesses and over-prepare in those areas. If blood sugar is an issue, always bring extra snacks. If, like me, you are easily chilled, always pack thermal underwear and an extra sweater. (The next time I go on a winter retreat, I’m adding a fleece blanket.)
4. Value is often hard to define. The weekend did not result in my suddenly realizing I have been called to full-time youth ministry. I did not have a “mountaintop” experience. I did not spend hours listening with maternal concern while distraught youth poured out their hearts. But I know the weekend was worthwhile whether I saw the results or not. So it is with many things in life. We may never recognize the benefits we’ve received from going to a conference, or taking a class, or attending a lecture, but those experiences have enriched our lives, and the lives of others. The more we embrace the breadth of everything this messy-but-beautiful life has to offer, the richer we become. And the more we have within us to give to others.

Wouldn’t it have been sad if I had said no instead of yes?

I am not suggesting that we should agree to every request that comes our way, but I am suggesting that we consider every opportunity before making a decision. On the one hand, we shouldn’t say yes to everyone who asks, or allow ourselves to be “guilted” into things. But neither should we allow the inertia of habit, comfort and convenience to keep us from experiences that might be good for us. Especially if others can benefit as well.

When was the last time someone asked you to do something outside your usual realm of activities? What stories can you tell about the time you said yes instead of no? Don’t let those unexpected opportunities pass you by!