Reality Check

No one who’s flown in the last fifteen years expects to pop into an airport twenty minutes before a flight and breeze through security with time to spare. If you did, you’d be in for an unpleasant surprise—and a trip to the reservations desk to book a later flight.

Since we expect airport security to result in long lines, hassles and personal intrusions, we plan accordingly, and are surprised only when things go smoothly.

The benefits of realistic expectations

Once upon a time, I remember reading some advice in a parenting magazine regarding taking children to the beach. Among other practical bits of advice, the article reminded readers that beaches are covered in sand, and it should therefore come as no surprise that sand will get on, or in, everything. In fact, we should expect things to become sandy—especially when small children are involved.

This sounds obvious, and yet how many times has some poor parent become completely frazzled because sandy feet have traipsed across the beach blanket, or a sand-encrusted little fist has reached into the bag of chips?

As I see it, the problem is one of expectations. If we go to the beach expecting sand, we plan accordingly. We leave certain items at home, package others to keep them as sand-free as possible, and realize we will have to de-sandify our children (and probably everything else) before the day is over. When the two-year-old dumps all the clean towels out of the bag, we roll our eyes, shake them off as best we can, and continue to enjoy the day. (This is true even when our offspring decide to wallow in sand up to their necks. Sand is not permanent after all. It rinses off.)

Photo Credit: Grant MacDonald via Compfight cc

However, if we think we can spend a day at the beach and somehow keep our kids, towels, blankets, books, sandwiches and bags of animal crackers sand-free, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.

In other words, unrealistic expectations can ruin an event that should have been fun. I, for one, don’t want to have my joy stolen because I was clinging to foolish notions of how something ought to happen.

 Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein

Unfortunately, not all unrealistic expectations are as obvious as hoping a day at the beach will not involve sand in places we don’t want it. They creep into everyday life, sabotaging our patience, stealing or good mood, and adding stress to our lives.

A simple example: If I visit the doctor’s office hoping to get in and out quickly, I will most likely be disappointed. If I go prepared to sit for an hour, and bring something to read, the waiting won’t be so onerous. In today’s tablet/Kindle/smart phone world, there is no reason to find ourselves killing time by leafing through a six-month-old edition of People Magazine ever again.

Where else might unrealistic expectations be stealing our happiness?  This questions might be easier to answer if we start by thinking of situations or events that normally do not make us happy, but that other people seem to find pleasant. Things like:

•  School concerts
• Company social events
• Filling in at Children’s Church
• Family holiday dinners
• Vacations
• Trips to the grocery store

Make a list of the activities that seem to stress you out, then ask yourself if your expectations are out of kilter. If so, what can you do to improve things?

Instead of fuming while you wait impatiently in the checkout line, perhaps you could start a conversation with the person next to you. Who knows, it might make their day, and yours, a little brighter.

Stuff happens. Life is a lot easier when we can shrug it off (and maybe even laugh about it) instead of taking it personally. Don’t you agree?