Why Can’t I Fall Asleep? and other strange introvert traits

Some people can fall asleep anywhere. Not me.

I have problems falling asleep. I always have, even when I was a little kid.

Also:

• My hands and feet can be cold, even in the middle of summer.
• When I concentrate on something, people ask if I’m upset.
• I can’t type when someone is watching me, or write when someone is looking over my shoulder.
• I often forget a word or name just before I want to use it.
• I often have a delayed emotional response to unexpected events, like a surprise party, which results in others thinking I don’t care when in fact I am merely still trying to process what has happened.

I used to think these traits were my personal weaknesses and failings.

Then I started reading books about introverts. It turns out these traits, and others like them, are perfectly normal for introverted people.

Further, some of these traits can be explained, at least in part, by the way our introvert brains work. Our brains prefer to run on the longer acetylcholine (a neurotransmitter) pathway, which tends to activate the part of our nervous system that tells our body to slow down and conserve energy. In contrast, extrovert’s preferred neural pathways run on dopamine, which tells the body to speed up.

Some common introvert traits

According to Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage and The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child, normal introvert traits include the following:

• We often have trouble turning off our brains so we can sleep.
• We may have cooler hands and feet, because our brain is sending blood to internal organs, not our extremities.
• Because we are sensitive to stimuli, (the same stimuli that make extroverts happy and energized) things like too much noise or people too close to us can impair our concentration.
• We are good at putting things into long-term memory, but can have trouble retrieving them.
• Due to our slower brains process, we may not be able to understand how we feel about something until we’ve slept on it. (This has something to do with how our brains put things into memory.)
• Because our brains are slower to process information, we can’t always answer questions quickly and may not perform well on timed tests. On the other hand, our slower thought processes often lead to a depth of understanding our speedy extroverted peers will never reach.
• We also have trouble changing subjects quickly or thinking up clever comebacks. (Actually we think up all sorts of truly great comebacks, but not until several hours later. Sigh.)
• We tend to move slower than extroverts. Especially in the morning.

• We often talk slower as well. And sometimes leave gaps of silence between sentences, because our brains are busy trying to formulate the best way to communicate what we are thinking.
• We need frequent protein intake to keep energized. (If you have introverted children with a tendency to sudden meltdowns, pay close attention to this. Keeping sufficient protein in their bodies may help.)
• We may appear glazed or zoned when tired or stressed. This is a sign our tank is empty. Please take us home before we completely lose it.
• We often speak in a soft voice, one of several reasons we have trouble breaking into conversations.
• We sometimes start talking in the middle of a thought. This may be because …
• We have active internal voices. We imagine lengthy conversations in our heads, and sometimes forget we didn’t actually say things out loud.
• We turn off the outside world when concentrating. When I was in elementary school I occasionally looked up from a book to discover that the rest of the class had moved on to the next subject without my noticing. The phrase “out of sight, out of mind” describes us well.
• When concentrating we may sit very still, not look at anyone, not make any noise and not show any emotion. This is because we are pouring all our energy into thinking.

If you’ve always wondered why you, or a loved one, displays these sometimes-frustrating behaviors, now you know: We’re not broken, we’re just wired differently.

If we understand that these things are NORMAL, we can stop kicking ourselves for being slow, or odd or spacey and begin to embrace these traits of part of the “package.”

Our slower introverted brain pathways provide many benefits, such as exceptional concentration, but like everything else in life there a balance. We must take both sides of the introvert coin.

And, by the way, if anyone knows the secret for turning my brain off at bedtime, I’d love to hear it.