People are often shocked when I say I am an introvert.
Since I exhibit most of the typical introvert tendencies, their shock is something of a surprise to me. If people don’t think I am an introvert, what do they think an introvert looks like?
Is an introvert …
- An anti-social misfit—someone with a psychological problem that needs to be fixed?
- A loner who avoids contact with people as much as possible?
- A nerdy, socially awkward person who doesn’t like to have fun?
- A shy person who never talks?
- Someone who is incapable of speaking in front of others?
- Someone who is not a team player and will never be a good leader?
I hope you understand that none of the above define those whose temperaments include introversion—a group that numbers roughly half the total population of humans. Introverts are not only normal, they are all around you.
What a real introvert looks like…
Yep, that’s me. A bona fide introvert.
Introverts like spending time with people, but we also need time to be alone. When our energy reserves are good, we can be as sociable as the next guy. However, if we don’t get enough solitude to recharge we may get cranky, withdrawn, or otherwise unpleasant to be around. This is my primary litmus test for introverts vs. extroverts: Does being with people charge your batteries or drain them?
To our more extroverted peers we may look like loners or stick-in-the-muds who would rather stay home than have fun, but that is only true when our people-energy is low. We frequently expend most of our people-energy at work or going about the daily tasks of motherhood. When we opt for quiet evenings at home instead of parties or nights on the town it is because we know we need to recharge. Read this post for an example of what happens when an introvert fails to do so.
Introverts are not shy. Shyness is not a synonym for introversion. Those who suffer from shyness fear social interaction—even though they may desperately want to connect with others. Healthy introverts, on the other hand, easily interact with others, but also enjoy spending time alone. Read this article for more on shyness vs. introversion.
Introverts are not all mousy librarians or geeky programmers. Introverts thrive in professions that involve solitude (writers, truck drivers), research skills (scientists, financial analysts), or listening (psychiatrists, social workers.) However, they also succeed in more “extroverted” careers, such as acting (Audrey Hepburn, Julia Roberts, Harrison Ford) and politics (Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Barak Obama.)
Introverts can be good team players, and make excellent leaders. We are often respected for our insight and depth of knowledge. We are known for being focused and dependable. However, we often don’t have the energy and exuberance of our more extroverted peers, so our contributions to the team may be mostly behind-the-scenes.
Introverts make loyal friends. We aren’t the life of the party, and we don’t maintain friendships with everyone we meet. Instead of maintaining a broad collection of acquaintances, we prefer fewer but deeper relationships. We are content with a handful of good friends. We prefer spending time getting to know an individual one-on-one to chitchatting with dozens at a time. We take our friendships seriously and invest in them for the long term.
Yeah, introverts are everywhere, … but if you know what to look for you can spot us.
This is very insightful. It cuts through a lot of the false assumptions about introversion and gets to the core of it. It really does boil down to whether time with people charges our batteries or drains them.
It does seem to be that simple. I don’t know why so few seem to understand. And sometimes I get discouraged when yet another person displays great disbelief when I mention I am an introvert. As if it was something to be ashamed about. Sigh.