Every relationship faces struggles because no two people are alike, therefore each of us shows and receives love in different ways. For those of you who are mystified with the introverts in your life, I offer five ways to love an introvert.
Concepts like the five love languages can help bridge the gap, but sometimes other aspects such as temperament create potential misunderstandings.
The good news about misunderstandings is that they can be overcome with some honest conversation, some practical explanation, and a commitment to do what is best for our loved ones. I can’t offer sure-fire solutions for communication or commitment, but I can offer some explanation regarding how to love an introvert.
Five suggestions to help you show love to those in your family with introverted personalities.
Don’t consider introvertedness the enemy
A person’s temperament is part of who they are. Wishing they were different implies they are not good enough. That kind of thinking leads to problems! Introversion does not ruin everyone’s fun or doom people to the social dungeon. The first step toward loving your introverts is to allow them to be who God made them to be—even if that means they will never think or act like you do.
Help them guard their energy (Be their advocate)
Introverts do not have the same endurance for social interaction or pulse-throbbing activities that their more extroverted peers do. Think of it like exercise. Not everyone has the endurance for a marathon, but they might handle a 5-K. Also, some people need longer to recover between bouts of exercise. If you know your introverts’ social endurance limits, you can help them pace themselves and protect them from running their tanks dry and imploding. If an introvert knows you have their back, they will be much more likely to embrace social events with enthusiasm.
Go for an intimate atmosphere
Introverts love to connect one-on-one or in small groups. A dinner for two in a restaurant where you can talk without distractions will rank high on their list of what-makes-me-feel-loved. So will a small gathering of good friends. Give them the gift of quiet, face-to-face connection and you are saying “I love you” loud and clear.
Know what restores them, and join them there
All of us need time to rest and restore our bodies and our souls. If you want to express love to any human, encourage whatever activities restore their souls. Many introverts yearn for time outside in a peaceful, natural environment. Some prefer a slow stroll while others thrive on a long run or bike ride. Whatever the speed, they will be happy to share it with you (so long as you understand that quiet may be part of the restoration process. A companion who fills the silence with chatter may not be welcome.) What restores your loved one’s energy and happiness levels? Visiting a museum? Puttering in the garage? Trying new and unusual foods? Dancing? Whatever it is, find a way to enable it, encourage it, and participate when possible.
Allow silence
Introverts need periods of silence and solitude. We don’t withdraw because we are antisocial, or angry, or manipulative, but because our brains need white space to process properly. When you give us freedom to seek solitary recharging time, you respect our needs and demonstrate love. (Sitting in the same room as your loved one and not saying anything might not feel like love to you, but they will receive it loud and clear.) Introverts don’t want solitude all the time, but when we need it, quiet is golden.
A note to introverts: On the flip side, you may not use your introvert preferences as a free pass to avoid any activity you don’t feel like doing. Your extroverted loved ones have a limited endurance for silence and staying home. Say “I love you” by joining them in the activities that make them thrive, and by sharing your thoughts and feelings with them on a regular basis. If you want to demonstrate your love, you can’t spend all your time inside your own head.
How will you say “I love you” to your favorite person today?
