Seeing Through Other Eyes: Understanding Temperament Differences

Why can’t they see what is so obvious?

Why would anyone respond like that?

Why can’t he use his head instead of reacting with emotions?

Why can’t she be more like me?

Sound familiar?

We humans are made very differently. We are born with differing temperaments, which are molded and stretched by life experiences to create a wide array of unique personalities. This variety is a good thing for the human race as a whole, but sometimes (often?) those differences frustrate us. Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone thought and acted in normal and predictable ways (i.e. like me) instead of acting so odd, irrational, and unpredictable?

3 key things to remember about temperament differences.

Not everyone sees what is obvious to me.

There are certain things we cannot help noticing in our environment. Some people cannot help noticing every grammar mistake, crooked picture, or broken rule. Others sense every hurt or need in everyone around them. Yet others find themselves sniffing out every phony or hypocrite.

Bottom line: We all naturally notice certain things while being oblivious to others. We need to remember that:

1. Others don’t automatically notice what is plain to us.
2. We may not see what is obvious to others.
3. The kinds of things we observe don’t make us inherently better or worse than anyone else.
4. But how we respond to what we see might. Just because we can’t help noticing something doesn’t mean we have impunity to take matters into our own hands.

Something that is easy for me may never be easy for others.

Some of us have a knack for reading a room and knowing how to blend in. Others soak up knowledge, acing tests with ease. Yet others can tell stories and entertain us for hours. We know this, but sometimes we get frustrated at people for what seems to be a stubborn refusal to do a task that should be simple.

Bottom line: We need to remember that other people may honestly struggle to achieve what we find so simple and obvious. (Part of this goes back to point #1.) Because they interact with the world differently than we do, they may need to approach tasks and problems from a different angle in order to be successful.

We are driven by different fears and desires.

Parents quickly discover that what motivates one child doesn’t work on the next. This truth applies to all humans. Some of us are driven to win at all costs while others desperately need to be needed. Some are motivated by money while others care little for money but are deeply concerned about living in harmony with everyone. You and I may be motivated by vastly different values, fears or, desires.

Bottom line: When those around us don’t respond to motivation it is probably not because they are lazy, but instead because the “carrot” we are offering is not as important to them as other things.

I hope the next time you find yourself frustrated by another human, these reminders will help you find grace and understanding. May we all have eyes to see the world from different perspectives and to appreciate the unique worth of those around us.