Our society values independence and self-reliance. We admire those who nobly give of themselves to serve others. We don’t admire those who are needy, weak, or dependent on others.
There is a serious problem with that outlook.
Humans aren’t meant to operate in isolation. We are made for community. In a balanced community we help others and they help us. We meet certain needs in others and they meet our needs. The flow has to go both ways. How often do we deny this flow—pouring energy into the need of others while not allowing others to meet ours?
Because independence is promoted so loudly in our society, I think most of us need to embrace our need to be needy.
Some benefits of allowing ourselves to be needy
- It takes a weigh off our shoulders when we stop trying to do it all and be strong all the time. What a relief that I don’t have to do everything all by myself.
- It enables us to accept our limitations without guilt or fear. As long as we insist on being self-reliant, we will be plagued with self-criticism at our deficiencies. (Which we all have!) When we admit we are as needy as the next human, our deficiencies no longer threaten us, because we know others are there to make up for our lack, just as we can make up for theirs.
- It gives others an opportunity to use their gifts to serve us. Allowing others to help us ennobles them. It proves we value and trust others.
- It makes the whole community stronger and more balanced. When we rely on another’s strengths to fulfill needs instead of making do in our areas of weakness, the whole system (be it family, business, or ministry) works better.
- It shows wise stewardship. Good managers know the importance of delegation. We all need to manage our resources shrewdly by knowing when to delegate (i.e. allowing others to do something we need so that we can use our strength for something else).
- It gives us a healthier perspective on success. My service is important to helping others succeed. Others play a role in helping me succeed. We realize we cannot take full credit for our achievements, but by the same token we see how we play a small but important role in the achievements of many others. We are all part of the continuum, not discrete workers in a vacuum.
Where do you struggle most when it comes to being needy?
- Asking for help
- Accepting help with grace rather than resentment
- Overcoming guilt that you need to be needy
- Overcoming shame that you must admit deficiencies
- Admitting you have needs (perhaps even to yourself)
- Pride
Are you brave enough to be needy?
Self-reliance isn’t as great as society makes it out to be. Maybe admitting a need is the best thing you can do for yourself today.
