Do you deserve to be happy?
Not a very nice question to ask, is it?
So I won’t.
Because happiness has nothing to do with what we deserve. Happiness is not a reward for hard work, nor is it meted out by some cosmic power based on our behavior.
Happiness is an attitude we are all free to adopt regardless of what we do, or do not, deserve. No one deserves happiness—and that’s a good thing!
11 Myths about happiness
You and I may have absorbed a lot of misinformation about happiness, such as the idea that we might deserve to be happy. (Or not.) Here are some other myths you might be familiar with:
- Happiness is something I deserve (or don’t deserve). Happiness is not tied to merits, moral character, or achievements. You cannot earn it. You cannot lose the right to it. You can be the most perfect person in the world, but that will not make you happy. Just look at the world and you will find plenty of examples that prove happiness is not a matter of what a person deserves.
- I must earn happiness. This misconception is similar to the one above. Happiness is not a right or a reward. It is free to all. No amount of work will make a difference.
- Circumstances make me happy or unhappy. Not true, because happiness is an attitude that you bring with you into whatever circumstance you experience. You and I can choose to be happy with our lot today, or we can choose to be unhappy. Your circumstances may make it easier or more difficult to feel happy, but they do not control happiness.
- If I’m happy now, I’ll have to pay for it later. Why do we fall for this lie? There is not a cosmic accountant keeping track of how much happiness we have spent and then sending us a bill. God designed us to feel pleasure. Joy is a fruit of the spirit. Stop listening to lies that all good things must be balanced by pain.
- Happiness can be bought. If this were true, billionaires should all be deliriously happy. Yet they aren’t. Because happiness is not based on what we own, or where we live, or what we have accomplished. We can choose to find delight in things—but things will never make us happy.
- Happiness must be found or captured. Sometimes happiness seems to be an elusive state that we must pursue. In reality, happiness only exists in the present. It involves paying attention to now and seeing the good in this moment.
- Happiness is selfish. Why do we feel guilty for indulging in anything that brings us pleasure? How can it be selfish to focus on gratitude and contentment? Happiness helps us have a positive outlook, which in turn is good for those around us. Far from being greedy or self-serving, it is an attitude that benefits everyone.
- Happiness needs a reason. Why?
- I am stuck being unhappy. Neither happiness nor unhappiness is permanent. They are attitudes to your circumstances life that can be changed. You might need counselors or medical help to overcome your unhappy feelings, but you are not stuck with them forever unless you choose to be.
- When I have more ___ I will be happy. Fill the blank with any excuse you like: time, energy, success, beauty, friends, nice clothes…. This is a variation on the myth that it can be bought or earned. You don’t need more ___ to be happy! You can choose to be happy just as you are, with just what you have.
- Happiness should be conserved. Happiness is not a limited resource that we might run out of. In fact, the more we share our happiness with others, the more it grows. Happiness is contagious, both in our own lives and to those around us. So when you’re happy, don’t hide it. Share the smiles with others.
I hope pointing out these misconceptions about happiness will help you enjoy life more fully today. No guilt. No striving. More joy. More peace.
