Self-talk is very powerful. Positive self-talk helps us prosper, while negative self-talk can do serious damage.
We all fight negative self-talk. The things our negative voice tells us may seem true—but in fact they are not. Our inner critic is an expert at taking a smidgen of truth and twisting it into a big, fat falsehood.
Fortunately, we have the power to decline our inner critic’s negative talk and choose more positive thoughts instead.
I have lots of thoughts. I can notice and acknowledge all of them, good or bad, but I reserve the right to act on only those thoughts that will help me live the life I want to life.
Susan David, PhD
We can take a red pen to our inner critic’s statements
We cannot stop negative self-talk. We do not have an off switch or a mute button to silence the negative thoughts.
However, we can disagree with what our negative self-talk is telling us. Instead of allowing our negative voice to dictate what we believe, we can pause a moment to consider where the truth has been twisted—and then act like a high-school English teacher and correct the faulty statement!
Often, changing a word or two is all it takes to transform twisted truth into something positive. Here are three simple ways to take your inner red pen to negative self-talk and correct those twisted facts into self-talk that feed your soul.
3 tricks to correct negative self-talk
“I am” statements
Our inner critic likes to pile negative labels on us. For example: We misplace our car keys and the harangue begins: “I am so stupid! I am such an idiot! Only a pathetic loser loses their keys at my age.”
Those self-criticisms may feel apt in the moment, but they are like acid eating away at your soul. Don’t ignore the damage they can do. These statements are NOT true, and they are NOT helpful.
Who you are is not defined by what you just did. Who you are does not change moment by moment. You may act stupidly at times, but stupid isn’t the essence of who you are.
So when you hear negative “I am” statements, wield your red pen and correct the faulty thinking by changing “I am” into “I did” or “I feel” statements.
Examples of how to correct negative “I am” thinking
- “I am an idiot.” becomes “I did something dumb.”
- “I am stupid.” becomes “I am struggling to understand this concept.”
- “I am a loser.” becomes “That didn’t go like I’d hoped.”
- “I am a failure.” becomes “I feel disappointed.”
- “I am no good.” becomes “I am still a beginner at that, but I can learn.”
- “I am hopeless.” becomes “I feel frustrated that this is so difficult.”
Don’t allow your inner critic to define you with labels that are not true! You are a precious child of God, not the embodiment of your latest mistake.
“I can’t” statements
Our inner critic delights in pointing out our failures and insinuating our mistakes prove we are forever incapable. Thus it fills our heads with statements that begin with “I can’t___” or “I’ll never be able to___”
This is a very easy mistake to correct. All we need to do is add one teeny word to the end the sentence.
The magic word? “Yet.”
Adding a yet at the end of “I can’t” statements turns fixed mindset thinking (I can’t and I never will) into growth mindset thinking (I can’t now, but I can learn and improve). That simple yet steals all the negative, disabling power from our inner critic and replaces it with hope.
Examples of how to correct “I can’t” self-talk
- “I can’t draw.” becomes “I can’t draw yet.”
- “I’m no good at baking.” becomes “I’m not good at baking yet.”
- “I’ll never be any good at balancing my checkbook.” becomes “I’m not good at balancing my checkbook yet.”
- “I can’t make this work.” becomes “I can’t make this work yet.”
- “I’m not talented enough to be promoted.” becomes “I’m not talented enough to be promoted yet.”
You and I are capable of learning new concepts and developing new skills. We don’t need to let our inner critic to tell us otherwise.
“I should” and “I ought” statements
Another common ploy of our inner critic is to beat ourselves up for falling short. “I should keep my house cleaner.” “I should learn to keep my mouth shut.” “I ought to decorate my house like my mother always did.”
This kind of self-talk piles expectations, comparisons, and guilt on our heads—none of which are helpful. What gives your inner critic the right to define what you should do and who you should be? It’s time to give yourself permission to consider other options.
You have no obligation to accept your thoughts’ or emotions’ opinions, much less act on their advice.
Susan David, PhD
The trick here is to use your red pen to change the should to could.
Examples of how to correct negative “I should” thinking
- “I should keep my house cleaner.” becomes “I could keep my house spotless, but then again, I could decide it’s clean enough right now.”
- “I should volunteer for the nursery.” becomes “I could volunteer for the nursery, but I think I am better suited for leading a small group.”
- “I ought to decorate my house like my mother.” Becomes “I could spend more time decorating like my mother did, but I am not my mother and decorating isn’t so important to me.”
- “I should learn to keep my mouth shut.” becomes “I could keep my mouth shut, but sometimes I think it’s worth saying something even when it ruffles a few feathers.”
Changing the shoulds to coulds opens up room to consider other options. Don’t let your inner critic boss you around or guilt you into shoulds that only weigh you down.
Final Thoughts
The fight against negative self-talk will never end. It can feel pointless to keep fighting when the battle never ends, but don’t lose heart.
Every time you successfully correct a twisted thought you have won a skirmish and reinforced a positive thought habit. Keep correcting negative self-talk, one troublesome thought at a time.
Do you have a favorite trick to correct those pesky negative thoughts? Tell me about it in the comments below.
