We live in a world filled with people. Some of them are more talented, successful, or good looking than we are. Some are not. We cannot help noticing these differences, but we don’t have to measure ourselves against them. We don’t have to focus on comparison.
Comparing ourselves to others wastes time and energy, skews are thinking, and misaligns our focus and priorities.
Some common ways Comparison sabotages your life
- It stirs pride, conceit, superiority and self-centeredness. (When I put myself above others.)
- It leads to feelings of worthlessness and insufficiency. (When I put myself below others.)
- It creates a skewed sense of reality. (See the above two bullets.) Either I am comparing myself to those above me and feeling hopeless or I am comparing myself to those below me and feeling superior. Neither is a true indication of reality.
- It stirs up jealousy. When I compare, I notice whoever has more of what I want—more talent, beauty, accolades, etc. My focus becomes what I think I lack instead of being grateful for what I have.
- It causes isolation. We tend to avoid those who we perceive make us look small or unworthy.
- It creates a wedge in relationships. When we fall into comparison, we focus on what makes us different instead of what brings us together.
- It hinders teamwork. Comparison focuses on how I look or perform in relation to the rest of the group. If I am always trying to maneuver myself to look my best I am not thinking about what is best for the team. Nor am I trying to encourage others to do their best and outshine me.
An alternative mindset.
We live in a world filled with talented people. We can’t help noticing them and their successes. We can’t “just stop” every comparing thought. However, we can tweak our mindset to react in healthier ways. Like these:
- Choose to be inspired. Instead of feeling jealous or unworthy when we look at those who are successful, we can can allow their success to motivate and inspire us. We can use them as a role model: If they can write a bestseller debut novel at sixty, so can I! Or we can study what they do well and use their techniques to move our own dreams forward.
- Return to your foundation. When we remember that our value as a person is not based on our performance it helps us overcome the urge to compare. When we are secure in our identity as God’s precious creation, we can make peace with who we are instead of beating ourselves up for who we are not.
- Change your focus. When our goal is to serve and encourage others, our focus is not on ourselves and how we measure up. When we are others-focused we can celebrate with them instead of feeling jealous for their successes.
- Regain perspective. When we fall into the comparison trap we tend to narrow our focus and fixate on one or two of our peers (like the top players in our field) instead of the whole vast array of them. When we step back and broaden our vision we are likely to see that in the greater scheme of things we aren’t as utterly untalented and pathetic as we thought. (Or as dominant and perfect, if we are at the other end of the comparison spectrum.)
- Remember your Purpose. Did God put you on this earth so you could outshine everyone around you? I doubt it. You and I are fulfilled and successful when we are doing something for the greater good. When we focus on sharing our gifts with the world instead of worrying about how others view us, comparison loses its hold.
I hope these thoughts help you overcome the urge to waste emotional and mental energy comparing yourself to others. Instead, celebrate your uniqueness and be content to be the valuable, capable, but also imperfect person you are.
