You and I don’t want to waste our lives in self-absorbed indulgence. But we don’t want to spend all our energy catering to the wants and goals of others, either. Choosing a lifestyle of true authenticity helps us find the middle ground between serving only ourselves and existing as a servant to others.
Living authentically is about making life choices that are true to our individual personality, spirit, and values. Unfortunately, we’ve all met those who use “being true to themselves” as an excuse to live a life that’s all about them.
That’s not healthy authenticity, the kind that is defined as “healthy non-defensive functioning and psychological maturity.”
So what does authenticity look like?
True Authenticity does not mean:
- Always saying what we think and doing what we want
- Wearing our emotions on our sleeves
- Insisting on our opinions and preferences at all times
- Having an inflated sense of self-worth
- Refusing to adapt our behavior to honor others, because that would mean we were “inauthentic”
- An excuse to be rude and uncaring, ignoring the needs and feelings of others because it’s all about me and my needs.
Living authentically means owning who you really are
Having a high degree of self-awareness. We have a genuine understanding of who we are, what we think, how we feel, and what we want. But we also have a genuine understanding of our reality, including our weaknesses and bad habits, as well as the limitations we currently face.
Owning who we are. Including the good, the not-so-good, and the quirky. Being authentic means accepting the whole truth about ourselves rather than pretending we are—or could ever be—the ideal version. Owning who we are is both freeing and alarming. On one hand, it frees us from pretending to be someone we’re not, but on the other it means facing our imperfections and letting them be seen by others.
True authenticity respects others
Finding the balance between respect of others and self. Being authentic means not bending to the whims of others just to fit in or appear successful. It means honoring our boundaries and taking proper care of our whole person rather than always putting others first. But it also involves living out our values, which (in healthy people) includes kindness to others and respect for rules, appropriate manners, and cultural traditions.
Having a healthy sense of self-worth. Inauthentic behaviors are often motivated by a desire to prove our worth through what we accomplish, earn acceptance through fitting a certain image, or win approval through people pleasing. But our true worth is based solely on the fact that we are made in God’s image. We are unique and valuable just because we exist. When we are freed from the burden of pleasing others in order to feel good about ourselves, we are able to live a more authentic life.
Accepting and respecting diversity. When we have a healthy respect for ourselves, we are more able to accept others as they are, too. If living with authenticity is one of our values, we will honor others who strive to live in a way that is true to themselves, even when their choices, opinions, and beliefs are different than ours. When we own who we are and are sure of our self-worth, we are not threatened by people who don’t agree with our opinions or lifestyle choices.
Living authentically means honest communication and sincere convictions
Being able to identify and express emotions without being controlled by them. People who are self-aware are in tune with their emotions. They acknowledge their actual feelings (even the ones they aren’t proud of), and are able to communicate how they are feeling. Non-self-aware people tend to ignore their feelings so they can maintain their facade and act in the “right” way.
This does not mean self-aware people wear their emotions on their sleeves. We can identify our feelings without allowing them to dictate our actions. Part of being self-aware is knowing our emotional triggers and looking for healthy strategies to cope.
Striving to live out our convictions, not just give them lip service. Being true to ourselves involves honoring our core values with our choices and actions. That means standing up for our beliefs, even when it makes us unpopular or open to ridicule. And it means spending our time, energy and attention on what matters to us rather on what others tell us is successful or cool.
Where do you struggle to remain true to yourself and your convictions? I hope this encourages you to strive each day to live with true authenticity, making intentional choices that uphold your values and respect others.
