In my last post I shared healthier attitudes to help you get over your hangups with asking for help. This post I’m giving some tips that will improve your chances of getting others to agree to help you, and of receiving the help you actually need.
1. Whenever possible, ask face to face.
You’ll have a higher success rate when you ask for help in person. It’s easier to decline a request when viewing a text or email than when looking a person in the eyes, so asking face-to-face gives you a leg up. In addition, asking in person gives you a better opportunity to explain exactly what you need and why it matters.
2. Communicate your need clearly.
Have you ever asked for help, but the help you received didn’t help? It may be because you didn’t communicate exactly what you were looking for. If you ask for help without explaining exactly what you need, you leave it up to someone else to decide, and their idea may not be what you wanted at all! So, before asking for help, define what you need the other person to do for you as specifically as possible. Consider these three examples:
- “Can you help me with this report?”
- “Can you check my punctuation on this report?”
- “Can you help me find the most recent sales data for my report?”
Example number one is too vague. You haven’t stated what kind of help you need. The second two examples not only define the specific assistance you require, they also inform your decision about who you should ask.
3. Define what you want concisely.
Others are more likely to offer assistance when you give them a clear idea of what you are hoping they will do, and why their expertise is particularly suited to your needs. This allows them to estimate how much time and effort is required, and it shows that you value their abilities, which in turn makes them feel honored rather than hassled for being asked.
4. Explain why it matters.
People are more motivated to act when they care, so give them a valid reason. Not only will it boost the likelihood they’ll say yes, it also give them some context about the issue. Here are two examples:
“My boss wants this report by 4 pm. I have it finished except that I can’t find the data for ___.”
“I’m writing a novel set in ancient Rome, and I want to check my facts about ___.”
5. Be willing to negotiate.
Others will be more willing to offer help if you are flexible. They may not be able to grant your request exactly the way you’d hoped, but if you’re willing to negotiate you may get most of what you need instead of a blanket no. Maybe they can help if you change your timing to suit their schedule. Maybe they are only able to offer part of what you need. Maybe they suggest that someone else would be better able to help you. Accept what they offer and work with them to find the best solution for both of you.
6. Be prepared to receive a negative reply graciously.
Even if others would love to help you, they may be too busy to agree. Thank them anyway. They will remember your gracious behavior the next time you come to them with a request.
7. Don’t apologize for needing help
When you start a request with an apology you’ve fallen into the mindset that it’s wrong to need help. This is not a helpful mindset for you or the person you’re asking.
8. Don’t trivialize your request
When you start your request with “I just need one small thing” or “I hate to ask” you are subtly communicating that your request isn’t very important, which will reduce their motivation to help.
9. Resist the urge to trade favors
It may seem that promising to return a favor will up our chances of success, but unfortunately that strategy transforms a personal request for help into a business transaction, which lacks the feel-good benefits of helping. Most of the time that isn’t what you want. It’s better to simply ask, and consider an exchange only if the other person suggests it.
How can these simple strategies help you the next time you ask for help? Do you have other tips that boost your chances of getting help when you ask for it? If so, let me know in the comments.