A Simple Trick for Living Intentionally: Say No

Saying no is a powerful tool for living with intention. Saying no to activities that don’t fit with our values and priorities helps us maintain healthy boundaries, reduce stress, and have more time to do the things that matter most.

But saying no isn’t easy, even for me.

And for some of you, saying no is really, really hard!

Reasons you might find it difficult to say no

• Fear of missing out
• You don’t want to disappoint others
• Fear of rejection
• Nobody else will do it
• Fear of conflict
• Living up to your reputation
• Fear of criticism
• Strong sense of duty
• Habit

Benefits of saying no

An overbooked schedule causes a whole host of problems, including stress, lack of focus, forgotten meetings, last-minute cancellations, frustrating, and guilt. It keeps us from doing our best work, and will eventually lead to burnout and resentment.

But a busy schedule isn’t the only reason for saying no. Sometimes we need to say no because the request doesn’t fit within our boundaries, match our values, or help us meet our goals. In order to make the best choices each day, we must say no to some good activities because they hinder us from doing more important things.

The ability to say no is an important life skill that enables us to:

• Do what matters most instead of wasting our time doing stuff we don’t care about.
• Have more time and energy to care for our love ones
• Work with passion and joy instead of guilt and duty
• Stay away from toxic activities or relationships
• Maintain healthy boundaries
• Say yes to the things that really excite us

Questions to ask before saying yes to a request

Here are some questions that will help you avoid saying yes when you shouldn’t…

• Am I already feeling stressed because of my busy schedule?
• Does this request excite me, or cause me dread?
• Is this a cause I believe in? Is this the kind of thing that aligns with my values?
• Who benefits from this request? And what do I get out of it?
• Am I being guilt-tripped into saying yes?
• Am I saying yes out of fear, or because I’m genuinely eager to help?
• Is there a compromise I can suggest that doesn’t require as much of my time?
• Have I considered the long-term effects of this commitment on my family, energy, and other responsibilities?
• What is the worst thing that could happen if I say no?
• How did I feel the last time I agreed to do something that I didn’t really want to do? Will I feel that way if I say yes to this?
• Is this something I used to have a passion for, but now I’ve moved on?
• Is it time to let someone else take this over?

It’s our job to be good stewards

We are the sole person responsible for practicing good stewardship of the time, energy, talents, and attention God has given us. That means knowing when to say no.

There will always be people around us who want us to do things for them. Our job is to be discerning about which of those activities we agree to and which we decline.

How much do you struggle with saying no? Which of the questions I listed will help you say no with more confidence and less guilt?

For practical tips on phrases and techniques to say no, check out this post.