Sometime when I say no to my cat, she hisses at me. That’s right—serious ‘tude from an eight-pound ball of fluff!
Even pets don’t like it when we say no. But sometime saying no is the right thing to do. In my last post I talked about why its important to be able to say no when we need to. In this post I’m sharing tips to decline politely, kindly, and with less guilt.
You can say no in a way that is positive and encouraging, and that doesn’t reject the person or the request. Read on for tips on how to do it…
First, a few pointers on how NOT to say no
When declining a request or invitation, DON’T:
- Treat the request as an imposition
- Imply the request isn’t worth your time
- Give fake or wimpy excuses
- Say maybe when you mean no
- Refuse to offer any explanation
- Go into a lengthy explanation for why you will say no
Instead, do your best to be honest, respectful, and clear while giving a brief and pertinent explanation for declining.
How to say no kindly and without guilt.
1. Be positive and polite.
Treat the request as a compliment rather than an imposition.
- I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to decline.
- I’m busy, but thanks for thinking of me.
- I’m flattered that you’re inviting me, but sadly my schedule is already booked.
- Thanks so much for asking, but I already have plans.
2. Validate their request.
Recognize the value of the activity even if you can’t participate.
- I love that idea, but I have prior commitments.
- That’s a wonderful project, but I can’t give it the time it deserves.
- Our community definitely needs that. I wish you luck finding people to join your team.
3. Be honest about your schedule and priorities
It’s better to say no from the start than to agree to something you don’t have time for. Honor the request by declining instead of agreeing and then not following through.
- Right now I’m devoting all my spare time to ___ so I will have to decline.
- I’m afraid I don’t have room in my schedule for any extra activities right now. Sorry.
- I’m currently swamped by another project so I’ll have to decline this time.
4. Offer alternate dates that work better
If you give the other person a chance to change the timing, you might be able to say yes. But only offer if the alternate times are legit!
- I’d love to, but I’m too busy this week. Could we do that next week instead?
- I’m busy with a project right now, but I may have time next month. You can check back then if you like.
5. Make a counter-offer or suggest an alternate solution
Reduce the commitment to something you can handle.
- I don’t have time to lead the program, but I can make two batches of cookies
- I can’t do __, but I’d be available to __ if that would help
- I can’t help you right now, but I know someone who might. Do you want me to ask them for you?
- How kind of you to ask. My schedule is booked, but you might try asking __
- That sounds like something __ would love to get involved in.
- You can probably google a how-to video that will help you solve that problem.
6. Admit when a request isn’t in your wheelhouse
Sometimes you get asked to do something that is outside your skill set. While this may be an opportunity for growth, more often it’s a good reason to decline.
- That’s a wonderful project, but I’m not the right person for the job.
- Your idea deserves someone who can do it well and that’s not me.
- Sorry, but __ isn’t my strong suit. It’s better for both of us if I say no.
7. Provide a simple, valid excuse for declining
- I’m afraid that’s my son’s nap time, so I can’t join you then.
- We’d need a sitter for that, and right now it’s not in our budget.
- I’m feeling run-down this week so I’m limiting my activities.
Final thoughts
Be consistent. You must be ready to say no more than once to the same request. Stick to your decision and your boundaries. You must remain consistent and prove to the requester that you mean what you say.
Show mutual respect. Just as you wish others to respect your decisions to decline, you must be willing to accept when others say no to your requests.
I hope these tips will enable you to say no with grace and confidence. May you live intentionally and make wise choices about when to say no this week.
Are you looking for more help overcoming your people-pleasing habits of saying yes instead of no?
Check out my free guide and my Permission to Say No (and Mean it) handbook, designed to help recovering people-pleasers regain control of their lives, one NO at a time.
