What’s Better than Goals? Change Your Identity

Sometimes I set goals and keep them. Sometimes I set goals and fail miserably. Why do I succeed in come cases and fail in others? Why is it that even the best goals set with the best intentions won’t guarantee our success?

Because goals aren’t enough. Any goal that involves a change in our current behavior requires that we must change our daily habits, and our brains resist that. Our brains don’t like being pushed from their comfy, habitual ways of thinking and acting.

Therefore, as long as our thinking patterns remain the same, we’ll continually struggle to meet goals, no matter how good our intentions are.

If you doubt that truth, look at the diet and fitness industry. Every year millions of people have good intentions about improving diet or getting in shape, but most of them give up after a few disheartening weeks (or days).

Here’s a better idea: Focus on changing your identity

We tend to act like the person we believe we are, and those inner beliefs are affected by the mental soundtracks we listen to. So long as we listen to the old soundtracks and hold fast to our old identity, we aren’t likely to change.

For example, consider the soundtrack “Kale is disgusting.” (Which really expands to “Healthy food doesn’t taste good.”) This corresponds to an identity something like this: I don’t like healthy foods. I’m more of a meat and carbs kind of girl.

Given that identity, any goal of eating healthier is doomed, because it will take a ton of energy and motivation to make me do something I don’t like to do. Clearly, this is a big problem!

Here are some other examples of unhelpful identity beliefs that don’t lend themselves to easy improvement.

• Every time I go on stage I freeze up and look like an idiot.
• I’ll never be any good at promotion or marketing.
• I’m just an anxious person.

The solution, step one: Find a new identity

It’s going to be a whole lot easier to reach my healthy eating goal if I’m not starting from an identity of an kale hater. So instead, I ask myself what kind of person would enjoy eating healthy foods? What kind of person would totally crush a healthy eating diet plan?

My answer might be, a person who thinks healthy foods taste good. I’m not that person right now, but I want to be that kind of person, because it would enable me to do something I want to do.

The concept applies to any issue. Take an area where you struggle to accomplish your goals and ask yourself what kind of person would do a great job at reaching that goal. Here are possible ideal identities for the unhelpful ones listed above:

• I want to be someone who isn’t afraid of speaking in public.
• I want to become a pro at promoting my work.
• I want to be a person who doesn’t worry over every little thing.

Step two, change those aspirations into identity statements.

Start by changing the “I want” to “I am the kind of person who”. You can also reword slightly to focus on attitude rather than achievements. For example:

• I’m the kind of person who enjoys healthy food.
• I’m the kind of person who enjoys speaking in public.
• I’m the kind of person who enjoys promoting my work.
• I’m the kind of person who remembers God has my back.

Why does this matter? This subtle tweak from “I want to be” to “I’m the kind of person who” gives you a positive soundtrack to begin playing in your head.

“Your thoughts empower your actions, which in turn generate your results.”

Jon Acuff in Soundtracks

Do you see how powerful this change can be? If I begin to believe I’m the sort of person who enjoys healthy eating, I’ll begin to act like it. And when I start acting like my new identity, it will be a lot easier to achieve my goals.  

Step three, begin reinforcing your new identity

I will not turn into a kale lover just because I invented a new soundtrack. But that new soundtrack is the first step on a journey toward healthier eating. In order for my new identity to stick, I need to reinforce the new belief through action.

OK. How does a healthy eater act? They eat healthy food, right? They eat less of the bad stuff and more of the good stuff. So far, so good. How can I adapt that behavior into a simple, achievable, goal I can manage every day?

Let’s try this one: I will make one healthy eating choice every day, either by resisting a bad-for-me snack or by trying a helping of something healthy.

Remember, at this stage, it’s not about the quantity or quality of my diet. It’s about establishing a habit of healthy eating every day—With no condemnation about how “good” a job I did or how often I messed up.

If I remind myself each day that I’m the kind of person who eats healthy food every day and then I prove that statement is true by making at least one healthy food choice each day, I am strengthening positive neural pathways and reinforcing the belief that I actually am the kind of person who enjoys eating healthy food.  

Once I believe this, it will be much easier to act in accordance to that new identity, which will make healthy eating an achievable goal.

More examples

Here’s how the other examples might be turned into small, achievable actions:

• I will practice public speaking every day by posting short videos on Facebook Live. I can say whatever I want, even if it’s just reciting a poem or talking about my cat.  
• I will forget about all the promotion techniques other people tell me I ought to be doing and stop feeling guilty about it. Instead, I will do one promo task I enjoy, no matter how small or insignificant it feels.
• I will begin looking for all the times when things go right. When I notice someone being kind, or when I see how God arranged good things to happen, I will send a quick thank you to God.     

Your turn

You can use this strategy to achieve your goals by starting with small tweaks to your identity.

What is one goal you’ve been struggling to accomplish? What old identity is getting in the way? Begin today to replace that old, unhelpful identity with a better identity and then pick one small, super-achievable act that will help you start your journey toward becoming the new you.

Announcing Book Two in the Livia Aemilia Mysteries. Fountains and Secrets. Coming to bookstores in early 2022.

This novel reads almost like a cozy mystery. Two people are dead, and an amateur detective is compelled to discover the murderer. There’s even a black cat with a big personality. The page-turning twist? This suspenseful tale of murder and intrigue, good and evil, is set in first-century Rome and the spunky detective is the newly married wife of a senator’s brother. Lisa Betz skillfully weaves historical details into an action-packed story populated with complex characters. Definitely a fun and entertaining trip back in time.”

Johnnie Alexander, best-selling and award-winning author of Where Treasure Hides and The Cryptographer’s Dilemma