How easily are you derailed?

We all face setbacks, frustrations, and unexpected wrinkles in our plans. How well do you cope with them? Are you able to pivot and keep moving, or do setbacks tend to completely derail your day?

Life is full of things outside our control that mess up our plans and can cause frustration, anxiety, fear, or anger. Fortunately, they don’t need to ruin your day. Here’s a strategy that will help you move past them instead of letting them derail you.

A simple strategy for not getting derailed by setbacks, obstacles, or bad news.

This strategy is based on advice from famous positivity guru, Zig Ziglar.

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.”

Zig Ziglar

Putting that advice to practice, he suggests that you can make the best of setbacks and misfortunes by deciding ahead of time how you will react. The goal is to reframe setbacks by looking for ways to capitalize on them in some way.

This isn’t as crazy as it sounds. We can’t predict every setback or obstacle we’ll face, but we can predict the common types of unplanned problems that crop up. Such as:

• Stuck in a long line. (At a red light, a store, a concert. Wherever.)
• Cancelled or delayed trip. (Airline, commuter train, hotel courtesy shuttle…)
• Unsettling news. (A medical diagnosis, job issue, family tragedy, …)
• Making a mistake while doing a job/project. (At work, at church, at school, …)
• Flubbing up while talking. (A public speech, job interview, meeting, important date, …)
• Arguments. (With a family member, boss, coworker, neighbor, random stranger, …)
• Common parenting issues. (Dating, becoming a brand-new driver, dealing with bad grades, wanting a tattoo, …)

The challenge is to consider how to make the best of these various unplanned and unpleasant situations. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying planning ahead is guaranteed to fix all your problems.

I am suggesting that when you develop a habit of deciding ahead of time to reframe minor misfortunes into something positive, you will find it easier to overcome situations that used to get you flustered.

An example

Consider a delayed flight or long wait at a doctor’s office.  When this happens, we have a choice between seeing delays as wasted time, or as opportunities to get something done. If we decide ahead of time to make productive use of unexpected delays and come prepared with something to read or work on, the waiting time becomes productive instead of wasted.

Not only do we get stuff done, but we won’t feel as annoyed, because we’ve transformed frustration into focus and wasted time into useful time.

Benefits of planning your setback strategy ahead of time

• You are making decisions when you are calm instead of when you are frustrated. This enables you to think clearly and to consider the bigger picture, both of which aid in keeping a good attitude and making the most of things.
• When you decide you will keep a positive attitude ahead of time, you’re more likely to succeed in keeping that attitude when setbacks hit, because you remember to see the good instead of focusing on the bad.
• Your expectations are more realistic. By recognizing that delays, mistakes, and bad luck are common to everyone and likely to happen to you, you won’t be as surprised or upset when they occur.
• You are more prepared. By thinking these situations through ahead of time, you can foresee potential problems. This enables you to plan extra time or bring supplies just in case a problem crops up.  
• Anxiety is reduced. You’ve already considered the possibility that this might happen, so you don’t have the anxiety that comes with vague unknowns. Plus, you’ve already made a decision about how to respond, so you don’t have the anxiety of trying to figure out what to do in the midst of a stressful moment.
• You can put up a united front. Thinking through tricky situations ahead of time can help you work as a team and back each other up. For example: Your son just got his license and now he wants to drive all his friends to a movie. What will you say? If you’ve discussed the issue with your spouse ahead of time, you are both on the same page and your child can’t play one spouse off the other.

Your Turn

What kinds of situations tend to derail you? Delays? Making mistakes? Bad news? Choose one type of situation you find particularly challenging and decide right now how you will react in a more positive and healthy way the next time you face it.