We all collect a variety of labels as we go through our lives. Labels may come from duties, reputation, or even nicknames. Sometimes we take on labels intentionally, such as when we step into a new job position. Often, labels are given to us by others, whether we asked for it or not.
Regardless of how we acquire them, every label we accept affects us. Each label comes with a set of expectations—a role the bearer of the label is expected to fill. The more labels we collect, the more roles we must fulfill.
If we aren’t intentional about deleting outdated or unhelpful labels, we can find ourselves under a heavy weight of expectation as we try to fill more roles than we should. If we aren’t paying attention, our labels can control us instead of us controlling our labels.
Labels come in many forms
We may have collected multiple labels from any of these categories. Which ones do you own?
- Titles (Doctor, Reverend, CEO)
- Occupations or hobbies (writer, beekeeper, nurse)
- Roles / duties (Mr. Fixit, mom, responsible older sister)
- Nicknames (Fatty Bulger, Wormtongue)
- Reputation (walking dictionary, perfect hostess, the boss chick who doesn’t take no for an answer)
- Personality (the shy one, the charmer, the strong one)
- Stereotypes (nerd, jock, hick)
Why labels can be a problem
- We can feel obligated to live up to them.
- They may reinforce skewed thinking about our identity.
- They may feed unhelpful soundtracks about who we are and how we behave.
- Expired labels hold us back by keeping us stuck in a previous phase of life.
- Some labels give us an excuse not to grow out of an old habit.
- Some labels keep us from believing in our true potential.
- Many labels mask our authentic, true self.
Bottom line: Living up to unhelpful, unwanted, or outdated labels is a waste of your time and holds you back from being your best, most authentic self.
How to shed “expired” labels
Begin to pay attention to the labels you have collected. When you notice you are fulfilling the role dictated by a label—or when someone else expects you to fulfill the role of a label they attach to you—check in with your heart to see whether this label is one you should keep.
Here are some questions to ask as you identify which labels belong in your life and which ones are expired and should be tossed.
- Is this label still a valid part of my life?
- Am I proud to own this label, or does it fill me with dread or shame?
- Is this a role I aspire to right now, or is it something I aspired to once upon a time?
- Does this label inspire me to be my best self, or does it keep me stuck in old habits and old soundtracks?
- Is this label something others are trying to force me into? If so, am I willing to accept it?
- Does owning this label mean ignoring my current healthy boundaries?
When you identify labels that don’t belong in your life, set an intention to let go of them and move on. You may need to give yourself permission to officially retire from roles that no longer apply. You may face some pushback or teasing when you no longer live up to that old reputation others have given you.
It may not be easy to shed expired labels, but you’ll enjoy the freedom to thrive and grow when you do.
Don’t give up!
If you have a hard time letting go of old labels, you might want to perform a ceremony. Write them on a list and burn it or shred it. Speak the labels out loud and blow each one out the window. Anything that helps your psyche release them.
