How to Stop Being Attached to Our Stuff

Decluttering is hard. It takes time and effort. It requires lots of tough decisions. And some types of stuff are much harder to let go of than others. Sometimes we are attached to our stuff in deep, emotional ways that make it really difficult to remove those objects from our overstuffed closets, even when we’re drowning in clutter.

Here are three big reasons why we struggle to let go of the clutter…

We’re emotionally attached to our stuff

Many of us are emotionally attached to our stuff. Certain items become associated in our memory with a particular event or with a particular person (or both). For example, the outfit your child wore when you brought him or her home from the hospital may bring those joyful memories flooding back. We love the memory, so we’re loathe to jettison that outfit, even when the elastic has become crispy and the cloth is stained.

We place too much value on our stuff

Sometimes we place a perceived value on certain items that skews it’s actual worth. We may remember how much an item cost and we are tempted to make sure we “get our money’s worth” out of it. Thus, we’re reluctant to part with expensive items if we don’t see a good return for our original investment.

Another example is the perceived benefit we gain for owning certain items. Advertisers bombard us with messages that owning [whatever they are selling] will make us happier, healthier, sexier, or more successful. (Possibly all of the above, if you act now, before our limited-time offer ends!!!) How many of those promises fall flat?

We put our security in our stuff

Especially in these crazy, toilet-paper-hoarding, post-Covid times, we are wary of running out of stuff. We feel more secure when our storage shelves are piled high. Thus, we hate the idea of getting rid of anything we might need someday. Problem is, our concept of might need can stretch to cover pretty much anything that isn’t broken, ripped, or hopelessly mildewed. Plus, we have that voice in our head, convincing us that the moment we get rid of something, we will suddenly need it.

All three of these are powerful forces that keep us attached to our stuff. How do we overcome these powerful forces and begin to win the clutter battle instead of letting clutter continue to control us? Here’s a five-step process to break the hold our stuff has on us—especially the stuff that falls into these three tricky categories.

How to stop being so attached to your stuff

Don’t deny the emotions

You can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge is hurting.

Jo Saxton

All three of the above reasons are fraught with emotions. If we try to conquer those types of clutter without facing the emotions, we’ll be unlikely to succeed. So, instead of ignoring or denying the emotional pull to keep the stuff, we must face those emotions.

• For sentimental items: Bring to mind the wonderful memories that sentimental items bring up. Relive those special moments and reaffirm the good memories. Then remind yourself that the memories won’t be lost just because you no longer have the item.
• For “valuable” items: Allow yourself to feel disappointment for the items you hoped would bring you more happiness or success than they did. Own the buyer’s remorse you feel over certain items you wish you hadn’t spent good money on. Grieve those decisions, if necessary, then forgive yourself and move on.
• For “just to be safe” items: Acknowledge your fear when it comes to running out. Admit to yourself how your well-stocked freezer or shelves filled with homemade jellies gives you a feeling of satisfaction and security.

Change your mindset with these truths

Your feelings are real, but they are not the whole story. There are other truths that apply to your situation. Here are a few:

• Stuff doesn’t make us happy. Relationships and experiences are what provide happiness.
• Getting rid of stuff does not mean we also lose the memories attached to it. We can hold onto the memory without holding onto the item.
• Getting rid of sentimental stuff does not deny or erode the truth of our relationship with that person. Even when that person has passed on, we can honor their memory without holding onto all of their belongings.
• Advertisers want us to believe the lie that buying more will make us happy. We’ve all fallen for this lie, and our homes are filled with items that fail to live up its advertised promises. We don’t need to keep everything we’ve been hornswoggled into buying.  
• Our self-worth does not come from what we own, what we wear, or how elaborately we decorate for Christmas. Our stuff cannot make us any more or less valuable than we already are in God’s eyes. We shouldn’t let our stuff define us.
• We can make do with a lot less stuff than we think we can. If we suddenly lost all the stuff we keep “just in case”, we would not spend good money to purchase those items just to have them. They are not essential to our well-being; therefore, let them go.
• Keeping items because we might possibly need them someday instead of giving them (or selling them) to someone else who can use them right now is not good stewardship.

Identify someone who can benefit from your stuff

Looking at decluttering as an opportunity to bless others instead of a painful exercise in self-denial can make a huge difference. So, choose specific charities or families that you know can benefit from your stuff and enjoy the wonderful feeling of helping others while also helping yourself and your family.

Succeed in one thing

It can be really hard to let go of the items we’ve become so attached to for emotional reasons. It’s OK to start small. Let go of a ONE hard-to-say-goodbye-to item. Then try two. Work yourself up to a whole box. You can do this.

Know this is an ongoing process

It’s OK that you can’t purge all your sentimental items in one go. It’s unrealistic to expect that of anyone. (And it’s probably not emotionally healthy, anyway.)

Letting go of things is a lifetime process. The goal is to make incremental progress. Every time we face those emotionally fraught categories, the goal is to let go of some of them. That’s progress!

 Your Turn

Understanding why we’re attached to our stuff can help us succeed in letting go of the clutter that clogs up our lives.

Which of these three categories of stuff do you struggle with the most? Choose one item from that category and begin the process of letting go.

You can do this!