Why is it so hard to live a meaningful life? You want to become a better person and live a successful, happy life, but time and again you find yourself spiraling into old habits, floundering in busyness, and caught in the people pleasing trap (again). How frustrating!
I know how you feel. I have the same problem. Unfortunately, there’s no Easy Button that magically transforms us into the thriving and successful individuals we want to become. But take heart. You and I can lead meaningful lives. However, it won’t happen by accident. It takes intention.
A meaningful life won’t happen by default
You and I don’t want a meaningless, mindless, autopilot life. That’s what you get when you life by default. A default is what happens automatically, without thinking or making conscious choices. You and I have developed default habits for all areas of our lives, from brushing our teeth to how we react when someone cuts us off on the highway.
Unfortunately, those default habits often hinder us from living our best, most meaningful life. To achieve a more satisfying life (meaning a more authentic, quietly unconventional life), we need to slowly and strategically replace unhelpful default habits with better ones.
This process takes time, focus, and effort. That’s just the way life is—positive growth takes work. Always. (But it’s worth it.)
On top of that, opting for a quietly unconventional lifestyle isn’t going go make everyone happy.
When we work towards authenticity, we’ll run into opposition
By definition, an unconventional lifestyle is not conventional—i.e. normal, expected, adopted by the majority. We who are quietly unconventional aren’t afraid to break out of the conventional box in order to live by our personal values, achieve our dreams, and live in integrity with our best true self.
Moving outside the limits of convention alarms some people. In every group or neighborhood, there are those who act as self-appointed guardians of convention. They won’t approve our efforts to break free of their shoulds, oughts, and ideals. We must expect this and be prepared to weather their disapproval. (That’s why we need a supportive community!)
A meaningful life happens through consistent daily choices
If it’s so challenging, how do we succeed in living a meaningful, purpose-filled life?
One decision at a time. One action at a time. One day at a time.
As I frequently remind my readers, small step matter, because small steps taken consistently add up to significant results. Therefore, don’t lose heart when your small actions feel too insignificant to make a difference. They will if you keep at it.
“It’s the small choices no one sees that result in the big impact everyone wants.”
Craig Groeschel
Our family, peers, and friends all have their own agendas and expectations. They will attempt to draw us away from our convictions or get us busy doing non-essential, non-meaningful stuff. We must quietly but firmly resist!
How? By making intentional, mindful choices instead of reverting to default. Choices to:
- Stay grounded in God’s truth
- Replace unhealthy soundtracks that erode our identity and confidence
- Maintain healthy boundaries and priorities
- Say no to all that is not ours to do
- Seek supportive community, both to serve and to be served
- Be willing to live counterculturally
A meaningful life is worth the effort
Why?
Because you and I don’t want to get to the end of our lives and regret that we’ve wasted it on meaningless activities or chasing after the approval of impossible-to-please persons.
Because living inauthentically sucks the life from our souls and the joy from our hearts. And because living inauthentically leads to serious problems. Consider this statement from Psychologist Stephen Joseph, PhD.
“The distress caused by living a life that is not true to oneself lies at the heart of many of the problems that psychotherapists and psychologists encounter in their clinics.”
One of the common problems of inauthentic living is burnout. Consider this insight from educator and activist Parker Palmer:
“Burnout, in my experience, results from trying to give what I do not possess. … Burnout is a state of emptiness, to be sure, but it does not result from giving all I have: it merely reveals the nothingness from which I was trying to give in the first place.”
I think those are compelling reasons to chose authenticity over living an inauthentic, people-pleasing, façade wearing, approval-seeking life.
Do you agree?
In summary
A meaningful life arises when we are free to focus on what matters most to us and serve others in ways that honor our personality and God-given callings. This authentic and purposeful way of living requires effort and sacrifice, but it’s worth it.
Here are some other truths to remember about the challenges and benefits of living unconventionally:
- Living authentically is countercultural because authentic choices will often clash with our achievement- and acceptance-focused society.
- Therefore, living a quietly unconventional life will sometimes mean feeling like a misfit or an outcast, because we chose to live in integrity with our true selves instead of compromising our values or living fake lives in order to fit in.
- Living a quietly unconventional life will not make everyone happy. We must remember that pleasing others is not our life goal.
- We can’t have it all. In order to put our most precious values first, we must will need to let go of some status-enhancing stuff and activities that used to seem important.
- Living a meaningful life isn’t an item on our to-do list. It’s a lifestyle based on consistent daily choices to live honorably, authentically, and courageously.
Next steps
Prayer
Thank you, Lord God, that this earth is not my forever home. I am your child and belong to your kingdom. Therefore, like Jesus, I will face troubles, disapproval, and unfair treatment in this life. Help me each day to put off the old self that seeks approval of men and put on the new self that is confident of your love. Help me find the balance of living “in the world but not of the world.”
Action
Living an intentional, countercultural life begins with our thoughts. Every day we must fight a battle in our minds to remember why we choose authenticity and purpose instead of taking the path of least resistance (fitting in and pleasing others).
One simple way to win the battle of our mind is to speak affirmative, truth-based statements each morning. The link below provides a list of affirmative declarations that can help you. Download the document and read these statements aloud each day.
Inspiration
There is a lot of wisdom in the deceptively simple statement below. These ten simple words capture the essence of a quietly unconventional life. May you know the truth of who you are and what you were created to accomplish, and may you continue to successfully live out that purpose, day in and day out.
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
Dolly Parton
