Do you know that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you agree to do something you don’t want to do? You were too nice to say no, even when you wanted to, and once you’ve said yes, you’re too responsible to back out of it. So you go through with the promise with a smile on your face, even though inside you’re seething at the imposition or kicking yourself for caving to their request (again). If this sounds familiar, you probably have a habit of people pleasing.
Signs you may be a people pleaser
Do these responses sound familiar?
- Quick to agree with others (even when inside you don’t agree)
- Don’t have free time because you’re too busy giving and doing for others
- Can’t say no, even when you wish you could
- Fear being labeled as selfish or unkind
- Go to great lengths to avoid conflict
- Apologize often, even when you’re not to blame
- Feel responsible for keeping others happy
- Don’t admit when you are feeling hurt, and rarely mention your emotions at all
- Can’t stand the thought of someone being displeased with you
If you related strongly to one or more of this list, you probably struggle with a habit of pleasing others.
People pleasing is not a terminal illness
It may be that you have been a people pleaser for years. No matter how long it’s been, you are not stuck there forever.
People pleasing isn’t an incurable disease or genetic defect. It is a series of habitual responses you’ve developed over the years. Which means, with some work you can develop new and better behaviors. Like any area of life, it’s not too late to kick the people-pleasing habit and enjoy the freedom of a lifestyle that is not forever trapped in meeting the expectations of others.
Are you ready to get unstuck and begin the journey toward becoming a recovering people pleaser?
Introducing the Recovering People Pleaser Toolkit
You and I may never completely kick the people pleasing habit, but we can become recovering people pleasers.
We can begin to free ourselves from the fear of what others think, and the need to constantly win the approval of those around us. We can begin to practice living more authentically. And, we can practice standing up for our convictions instead of compromising to keep others happy.
Over the next nine weeks I will be talking about nine “tools” that will enable you to quit fulfilling everyone else’s expectations and begin fulfilling your own God-designed destiny. The first tool in the recovering people pleaser toolkit is a watering can.
A watering can brings growth and life. Water softens hard ground and keeps growing things alive. Therefore, a watering can reminds us to keep a mindset of growth.
You and I aren’t brittle dead limbs. We are flexible and alive. We can be trained to grow in new directions.
In those moments when we feel discouraged because we’ve fallen into old people pleasing habits once again, the watering can reminds us that there is still hope. A recovering people pleaser doesn’t let a relapse keep them from moving forward toward freedom and wholeness, one small step at a time.
Recovering People Pleaser Tool #1 – The watering can of growth
The watering can reminds you to keep a mindset of growth. Hold onto the hope that you can transform your life for the better. The remaining tools in this toolkit will help you do just that.
What are the other tools in the Recovering People Pleaser Toolkit?
- WATERING CAN – reminds us to keep a mindset of growth. Whatever our past, it’s not too late to turn over a new leaf and find freedom from our old people pleasing ways.
- STETHOSCOPE – reminds us to listen to the signals your heart and soul are sending us. They help us remain self-aware and clarify what matters and why it matters.
- OPEN-CLOSED SIGN – reminds us there is a time for yes and a time for no. To protect our most important yes, we must say no to less important requests.
- BATTERY CHARGER – reminds us to pay attention to your energy levels. We must take time to recharge if we want to remain healthy and effective.
- TELEPHONE – reminds us that real relationships are built on two-way communication. We must speak up to let others know our thoughts and feelings.
- VOLUME CONTROL – reminds us that not all voices are worth listening to. If we choose to please God, we will face criticism, therefore we must control which opinions we listen to and which we turn down.
- DEFLECTOR SHIELD – reminds us to guard against those who take advantage of others. We must power up our shields by enforcing healthy boundaries.
- MAKEUP MIRROR – reminds us to look at ourselves honestly. If we hope to change, we must see the reality of our unhelpful habits instead of blaming others for our problems.
- PRUNING SHEARS – reminds us that recovering from people pleasing will sometimes be painful, but like a well-pruned tree, if we take one step of growth after another, we will be healthier and more fruitful than before.
Come back next week to discover more tools you can use to recover from your people pleasing lifestyle. Better yet, subscribe to my blog so you’ll get every new post direct to your inbox.
