I like being happy. I bet you do, too. Unfortunately, daily life is filled with annoyances, stress, mishaps, grief, pain, and other issues that override your feeling of happiness. How do you find happiness despite these life realities? This post examines a few commonly held misunderstandings about how to be happy, which can keep us stuck and frustrated. I also offer suggestions to help you move past them and enjoy life more.
How to be happy myth #1: Chasing happiness
When you chase after happiness, what you’re really doing is grasping for moments of gratification. These little hits of happiness feel nice, but they don’t last. The sensation of happiness is based on your body creating certain neurotransmitters. The body isn’t designed to constantly flood itself with “happy” neurotransmitters any more than it’s designed to be flooded with stress hormones.
Why this doesn’t work
- Happiness “hits” are fleeting
- You are left wanting more
- You will never be satisfied
- This reinforces a habit of instant gratification
Mindset shift
Change your goal. Real, abiding happiness isn’t a state of being we have, it’s an outlook we develop. Instead of trying to Be Happy, work on learning to enjoy life as it goes by. Look for glimmers of joy and small moments of happiness in your everyday life.
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every moment with love, gratitude, and grace.”
Denis Waitley
How to be happy myth #2: Basing happiness on stuff or achievements
We fall into this trap all the time because this concept is reinforced constantly in advertisements and the media. Here are some examples of thoughts based on this mistaken view of happiness.
Examples
- If I had a little more ___ I’d feel happy.
- When I achieve ___ I’ll be happy.
- If I’m accepted by ___ I’ll be happy.
- If I can get ____ to like me, I’ll be happy.
- If I could be more perfect in ___ I’d be happy.
- If I could have ___’s life, I’d be happy.
- If I could have ___’s body, I’d be happy.
Why this doesn’t work
If happiness could be purchased, billionaires would be the happiest people around. And they’re not. Basing happiness on what you get or who approves of you means your happiness is contingent upon your circumstances. If you don’t get X, or if Y ignores you—poof! There goes happiness. This unhelpful mindset focuses on what you don’t have. It’s all about comparison, jealousy, and discontentment.
Mindset shift
Practice gratitude. When you pay attention to the many good things you already have instead of the things you wish you had, you feel more content and grateful. The more you look for the good things in your life, the more you will find them, and you’ll feel happier as a result.
How to be happy myth #3: It’s their fault I’m not happy
When someone injures us or treats us unjustly, it can feel like our happiness has been stolen. It’s tempting to blame the other for our unhappiness.
Examples
- When ___ stops ___ I’ll finally be happy.
- If only _____ wouldn’t have ___ I’d be happy.
- When ___ finally ___, then I’ll be happy.
- If only ___ hadn’t happened, I’d be happy.
Why this doesn’t work
We’re all responsible for our choices. When you blame others for your unhappiness, you’re giving that responsibility to them. So long as your focus is on what you’ve lost, or what you deserved and didn’t get, you are allowing that to be your whole truth. You’re blind to the good things that are true in your life at this moment.
Mindset shift
Hold onto hope. Choose to believe you’ll find joy in your new reality. When you’re suffering abuse or in the midst of a life challenge, it can be difficult to see past the problem. However, with God’s help and the support of loving people, you can forgive the injury, heal from the trauma, and move on to a new normal where you can thrive once again. Hold onto that hope!
How to be happy myth #4: I don’t deserve to be happy
We may have received a message that we need to earn the right to be happy. That leads to unhelpful thoughts like these:
Examples
- I’m too ___ to be happy.
- I’ve done too much ___ to be happy.
- I’ve been through too much ___ to ever be happy again.
- I’m not ___ enough to deserve happiness.
- If I’m happy now, I’ll have to pay for it later.
- Other people suffer so much, it’s selfish for me to be happy.
Why this doesn’t work
Happiness isn’t tied to merits, moral character, or your demographics. You can’t earn it, use it up, or forfeit your right to it.
Mindset shift
Happiness isn’t a right, it’s a way of seeing the world. We are all free to acopt an attitude that makes the most of the small moments of joy, kindness, and beauty. There’s nothing selfish about practicing gratitude and contentment. In fact, the happier we allow ourselves to become, the more we spread that attitude of kindness and gratitude to others.
I hope this post has helped you discover where misconceptions have been sidetracking you and stealing your happiness. May you begin today to make small shifts toward “a little bit happier” no matter your circumstances.
