It’s human nature to compare ourselves to others. And since we live in a highly competitive society, that urge to compare is even greater. We can develop a habit of constantly measuring ourselves against others to see who has more accolades, a nicer house, a healthier body, more successful children, cuter grandkids, or shinier shoes. I call this mindset the comparison trap.
The comparison trap isn’t a healthy place to be.
Measuring ourselves against other people inevitably leads to a belief that we don’t measure up, or that we must consistently strive to achieve in order to prove we’re good enough. The comparison trap skews our thinking, erodes our confidence, and misaligns our priorities. It can lead to anxiety, jealousy, resentment, loneliness, lack of confidence and feelings of inferiority.
Fortunately, we can learn to climb out of the comparison trap instead of staying stuck in the negative thoughts, feelings, and attitudes it breeds.
This post covers five ways the comparison trap sabotages our lives.
For each problem, I’ve suggested an alternative mindset that helps you avoid the comparison trap and live a more content and confident life.
“Comparison is a thug that robs your joy. But it’s even more than that — Comparison makes you a thug who beats down somebody — or your soul.”
Ann Voscamp
First and foremost, comparison erodes our self-worth
When we base our value and identity on how well we succeed, who we impress, or how many friends we have, we embark on a losing battle. There will always be somebody who outshines or outperforms us, therefore our self-worth will always be at risk. When we prove our worth by how we compare to others, we’ll never be content or secure.
The antidote
Remembering that you and I are precious masterpieces, created and loved by God. When we base our value as persons in how God sees us, we don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Our worth as humans doesn’t change with our achievements, and it’s not eroded by the bad opinion of others.
Both scripture and modern psychology teach the importance of basing self-worth on who we are rather than on what we do.
“Ultimately, the greatest protection against falling into the comparison trap—and the best way to pull yourself out of it—is to develop and maintain a stable sense of self.” PsychologyToday.com
For more information on developing a stable sense of self, see these posts:
Jealousy leads to discontentment
When we are jealous of those who have something we want, we focus our attention on what we lack. Jealousy of another’s success, wealth, beauty, popularity, or talent can trap us in discontent, focused on the one thing we don’t have instead of the many things we do have.
The antidote
Focus on your blessings instead. Take pride in your accomplishments instead of dismissing them because they aren’t as impressive as so-and-so’s. Consider the many things you should be thankful for in your life. Pay attention to the simple joys all around you.
Comparison encourages isolation
Another insidious result of the comparison trap is disconnection. When we fear those who outshine us because we’re afraid they make us look small, we tend to avoid them. Either we resent their success and distance ourselves out of spite, or else we feel we don’t belong in their league and avoid them out of shame.
“Comparison turns friends into adversaries.”
Frank Sonnenberg
The antidote
Adopt a mindset of learning rather than competing. Instead of seeing successful people as your rivals, look up to them as role models and inspiration for what’s possible. Successful people intentionally spend time with those who are more successful than they are, in order to learn, find inspiration, and be challenged to keep growing.
The comparison trap sidetracks us from our purpose
When we’re worrying about how we compare to others, our focus isn’t on serving God and others wholeheartedly. For most of us, living out our purpose means accomplishing plenty of mundane tsks and diligently working behind the scenes. It’s easy to see our contributions as inferior to those in leadership or those who have shiny public roles. This outlook tempts us to want someone else’s purpose instead of the one God planned for us.
The antidote
Trust that God knows best. Believe that your efforts are significant, no matter who notices (or doesn’t notice). Follow Paul’s advice in Colossians: “Everything you say and everything you do should be done for Jesus your Lord.” When you work with this attitude, you keep your focus on what matters most.
“We wont be distracted by comparison if we are captivated with purpose.”
Bob Gaff
Teamwork is hindered
As the saying goes, “There is no I in TEAM.” Comparison traps you into focusing on how you perform relative to the rest of the team. This mindset turns teammates into rivals. If your main concern is your own self-interest and self-advancement, you’re not considering what is best for the team as a whole.
The antidote
Good team players put the team’s success first. Remind yourself that your identity and value aren’t based on who notices you or how many accolades you win. Instead, recognize that every team member is important, be content with your role on the team, and work diligently to play your part to the best of your ability. See your teammates’ successes as your successes, too. When the team succeeds, everybody wins.
What mindset do you need to reset to avoid the comparison trap today?
“Comparison will cause you to feel prideful or depressed but never fulfilled.”
Lisa Bevere
