Do you feel stuck? Do you feel like you’re a victim of your circumstances or your past? Are you rudderless, adrift in the opinions, values and expectations that surround you? If so, you need to exercise your agency. Here’s how.
As I explained in the previous post, you and I are in a battle. Drifting through life on autopilot instead of standing firm means losing the battle for meaning and joy.
Therefore, you and I need to take responsibility for how we live our lives. We do this by using our agency.
What is agency and why do I need it?
Agency is defined as the ability to make choices, to have influence over your life, and to have the power and resources needed to reach your potential.
Agency is what gives you the ability to change and grow for the better. It is the power you have to rise above your situation and the pressures of this world, and to live out your Christian values even when life is hard, unfair, or uncertain.
When you don’t utilize your agency, you tend toward the characteristics of languishing—empty, unmotivated, adrift, disconnected, and stagnant.
In contrast, when you exert agency, you move toward a focused, purposeful, motivated, connected, and exuberant existence. That’s the kind of life I want. Don’t you?
Then I have good news for you.
Agency is a skill that can be learned. All of us are born with the capacity to use agency although some of us grew up in environments where we weren’t encouraged to use agency. Even so, everyone can strengthen their “agency muscles” and these tips can help.
Believe you have agency
If we fixate on all that is wrong, and our lack of control, we may assume a fatalistic mindset that says, “Why bother trying? I’m stuck, I’m too old to change, and I’m powerless to do anything.”
This fixed mindset thinking is guaranteed to keep you hopeless, helpless, and miserable.
Fortunately, this is not how God designed us. By God’s power, you can change, you can grow, and you do have a choice on how to respond—regardless of the circumstances.
God is in the business of transforming us. Trust he has the power and resources to transform you, one small change at a time.
“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” ~ Abraham Maslow
Become aware of how and when you forfeit your agency
We can fall into situations where we forget to use our agency. Here are several common ones:
- Living on autopilot—mindlessly going through the motions without considering our priorities. This allows the people and situations around us to dictate our responses because we are reacting without reflection.
- Allowing feelings or impulses dictate our actions. This leaves us at the mercy of external forces and opens us to be easily manipulated.
- Living as a victim of our circumstances. Allowing past mistakes or a current situation to trap us into thinking we are helpless—forever stuck in the mess.
- Blaming others instead of taking responsibility for our actions and attitudes
- Living in fear of other’s judgment, and therefore avoiding conflict and pleasing others at all costs.
- Allowing ourselves to become so weary, busy, and distracted we have no bandwidth for thinking clearly. It’s much harder to stand up for our principles and make wise decisions when we are worn down, anxious, or frustrated.
Practice using agency where you can
When you obsess over what’s not in your control, you feel helpless, as if you had no agency. Instead, practice the Serenity Prayer by choosing to trust God for all that is not in your control while using agency where you can.
For example:
- You have control of how you respond to a situation, even when it’s unfair, unwanted, and miserable.
- You see what you look for, so intentionally redirect your focus by looking for the ways God has and is blessing you.
Take small steps
Take action. Practicing a skill begins by doing something. A teeny step is better than no step at all.
Start small. As with anything else we wish to change, it’s wise to start with small, doable actions. For example, you can’t overcome a lifetime of people pleasing overnight, but you can practice agency and say no to a particular request instead of defaulting to “whatever you want.”
Find support
Who we spend time with matters.
If you want to practice taking more control of your life, you’ll benefit from finding supportive people to help you grow. Find trusted people with whom you can share your triumphs, defeats, fears, and frustrations. Spend time with role models and mentors live this out—people refuse to allow circumstances to define their attitudes and limit their actions.
Bottom line
You have the capacity and the responsibility to make good choices and to pursue personal and spiritual growth throughout your life, regardless of your circumstances. When you utilize your agency, you are living with intention and moving with purpose toward a flourishing life. One small decision or action at a time.
What is an area in your life where you need to take back your agency and live more purposefully? What small step can you take today to practice taking responsibility for your actions and attitudes and making wise choices?
“Agency used righteously allows light to dispel the darkness and enables us to live with joy and happiness.” ~ Robert D Hales
Want a more intentional life? These seven foundational concepts will help.
- Fight the good fight, because you are in a battle (whether you know it or not).
- You have Agency (so use it wisely).
- Know yourself and your core values.
- Make space for regular reflection.
- Adopt God’s definition of self-worth and life purpose.
- Make intentional tradeoffs, because every choice is a trade-off (whether you are aware of it or not).
- Prioritize wisely.
