I recently discovered a wonderfully encouraging book for moms, called The After Party of the Empty Nest: Mom Is Not Your Only Name by Kate Battistelli. I agree with the author that an empty nest is one of the biggest transitions a mom will face. The kids move on, and we are left behind wondering who we are and how to deal with the sudden void.
This book helps us transition purposefully and joyfully through the empty nest years into the next act of our lives.
We moms don’t all face an empty nest the same way. This book describes three general types of women: those who are eager to release their kids and move into new opportunities, those who deeply mourn the loss and loneliness of an empty nest, and those who are in between the two and switch from one mindset to the other. The book acknowledges all three experiences.
5 key areas for finding new purpose and joy after the empty nest:
One of the biggest benefits of an empty nest is MORE TIME. You are no longer shuttling children to and from activities, attending events, or guiding their day-to-day lives. Plus, you’re facing a smaller amount of cleaning, cooking, and laundry.
You and I want to use this new gift of time wisely. Here are five suggestions from the book to help you pursue new purpose in this season of life.
Become a woman of bold prayer
Releasing our children to God’s care is one of the hardest thigs we moms face. As Kate says, “We are raising them to leave the nest, training them to live on their own, and cheering them on from the sidelines when they go. And that’s the hardest part.
Because they do go. Because mothering is a journey of letting go … a holy release made possible only by holding onto the One that matters most.”
So true. But releasing them doesn’t mean we are powerless to support them. And the most powerful thing we can do is become bolder and more intentional about our prayers. So, before all else, use your extra time to strengthen your relationship with God. Devote more time to spiritual disciplines, and take up the mantle of prayer warrior for your family. You won’t regret it.
Pursue new dreams
As the subtitle of the book says, Mom is NOT your only name. Also, Or your only purpose. The empty nest years are a wonderful opportunity to explore the new purposes and new calling that God has for you.
When my youngest left the nest, I dared to dream about becoming an author. It took ten years of learning craft, attending conferences, and writing practice novels, but I did it!
Pay attention to God’s nudges. Trust him to help you stretch into new and exciting things. If pursuing a dream terrifies you, listen to Kate’s advice:
“Melancholy “Mourning Dove” moms, like I was during that season, are more apt to argue with God, telling Him all the reasons they can’t possibly do what He is calling them to do. There is a God-sized dream with your name on it, waiting to be unwrapped. If you grab hold of it, trusting His wisdom about the future He has ordained for you, the pieces will assemble, they’ll fall into place, and you will find the answers you seek.”
Invest in your marriage
This is both a delightful possibility and a sober warning.
Unfortunately, it’s all too common to get so wrapped up in the kids that we lose touch with our spouse. Don’t let that happen.
And once the nest is empty, get intentional about devoting more time to your spouse. As Kate writes, “The empty nest is a gift to your marriage, offering a chance to grow closer, dream bigger, and love more deeply than ever before.”
Also remember, your spouse is facing an empty nest, too. You can work through the emotions, fears, and opportunities together.
Reprioritize, release, and rest
As you release your kids, consider what else needs to be released in your life. Where has life gotten cluttered or burned out? Where do your priorities need a readjustment?
Kate especially stresses reprioritizing relationships and rest. She encourages us to invest time with people who will inspire us to grow and pursue worthy goals.
She writes, “Author Jim Rohn taught that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. It is worth considering your five.”
And also, give yourself time for much-needed rest. The kind of rest that allows your body to rejuvenate and recharges you emotionally so you’re able to pursue your dreams and strengthen the relationships that matter most.
Become a mentor for younger moms
Finally, the empty nest give us time to pursue ministry and service. Kate says that in her speaking ministry, she talks with many disoriented and desperate young women who long for a mentor to help guide them through this morass of modern life.
Women who are still raising children at home may not have the bandwidth to help—but we who are empty nesters can step into the role of mentor.
Kate writes, “When we take the time to press in and encourage a younger woman, we bless her and reap positive benefits. As we make time to spend with young moms, they will present us with a refreshing take on culture, helping us better understand what they face each day, experiences we may not fully grasp because of context.”
Final thoughts on facing an empty nest
This book is packed with comfort, challenge, and practical advice. In addition to the topics I’ve mentioned, it tenderly addresses realities such as facing the empty nest as a single mom, the heartbreak of prodigal children, and 7 traps that could hinder you from living fully in the “after party” phase of life.
Each chapter ends with discussion questions, scriptures, and a prayer, making the book ideal for small group discussion or a guide for personal quiet times.
Ready to grab a copy of The After Party for yourself or someone you know? Find it here.
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