How To Make Peace With Growing Old

I will never be forty years old again. Or fifty. I can either try vainly to regain the body and lifestyle I enjoyed in that past season or I can decide to make peace with growing old and learn to age gracefully.

We live in a society that values youth, beauty, productivity, and success. As we age, all those things seem harder and harder to attain or maintain.

And that can be difficult to accept.

But we must make peace with growing older if we want to enjoy these later seasons of life.

That doesn’t mean we should let our bodies go to pot or quit trying to make a difference in the world. It does mean changing our attitudes and expectations.

“Research is showing that older adults who buy into negative messages about aging start shaping their lives consistent with those messages,” Ann Steffen, PhD

Making peace with growing old means letting go of what no longer fits

As we move from one season to the next, we need to reevaluate what is truly important. Goals and expectations that seemed vital at forty (extensive perennial beds, career advancement, serving on five different committees) may no longer be so important.

Have the wisdom to let go of expectations that no longer serve you.

Instead, consider what is most important in this season. For example, spending time with grandchildren. Or finally taking time to learn how to decorate cakes. Or quitting a high-stress job and pursuing a second career in a different field.

When we are able to let go of the expectations and goals that no longer serve us, we release ourselves from weight we no longer need to carry. And we open up time and energy to enjoy the things that matter to us.

Sometimes, making peace with growing old means slowing down

Older, creakier bodies have different needs than young, flexible ones. We steward ourselves well when we make peace with a slower lifestyle.

Sometimes that means taking longer to finish a task. We can still accomplish big tasks, but we no longer try to accomplish them in one marathon work session—which often results in three painful days recovering.

Instead, learn to spread out the work. That could mean taking two or three days to prep for a party instead of doing it all the morning of. Or mulching the flower beds a few at a time instead of doing the whole yard in one day.

Slowing down can also mean thinning out our schedules. Giving ourselves extra time to get to and from appointments. Packing fewer activities into each day so we have the energy to fully enjoy each one. And scheduling more time to recover and rest, both physically and mentally.

Making peace with growing older means developing new habits to help us age with as much grace as possible

 We can become more intentional about adopting diet and exercise habits to care for our bodies—without making fitness either an idol or an unrelenting taskmaster. If we want to continue to do active things, we must become more proactive in building and maintaining strength, balance, and flexibility.

We can become more intentional about seeking enjoyable activities that challenge our brains. It’s easy to stick with what we already enjoy and are good at. But our brains need to be challenged. Learning a new skill or playing games that force us to think quickly will help keep our brains healthy and stave off mental decline.  

We can become more intentional about staying connected. As we age, getting out and about becomes more of an effort. It can be tempting to decline social events or other meetings and stay home in our comfy recliners. But staying connected with others is one of the most powerful ways to thrive and have purpose at any age. While becoming disconnected and withdrawn leads to decline, loneliness, and disillusionment.

Final thoughts

We can resent the changes aging brings, clinging to what used to be true and fixating on what we have lost

– OR –

We can decide that growing old is not the enemy and choose to age gracefully.

We can decide to be grateful for all we have in this season rather than becoming bitter for what we have lost. And we can decide that letting go of no-longer-practical expectations opens door for new and exciting opportunities.

“Aging is not about how many years have passed, but how much life you’ve embraced.” —Sophia Loren

Where might you be holding on to expectations that are keeping you stuck or  

How might you decide to age gracefully instead?