Do you wish you felt more connected with people? As the holiday season approaches, it’s no fun to feel lonely or disconnected. And yet, many of us secretly wrestle with feelings of loneliness. And we may have developed habits that are making the problem worse.
Here are five common habits that are likely contributing to those feelings of disconnection and discontent.
An overbooked schedule
It makes sense, doesn’t it? When our schedule is jam-packed, we don’t have time for spur-of-the-moment invitations to the coffee shop. We might not even have time for a two-minute chat at the grocery store.
When our lives are one big rush we have no bandwidth left for connecting with people—even the ones we love best. No open evenings to accept an invitation to dinner. No free hours to sit and chill with a family member who feels like talking.
Is your schedule so hectic it’s keeping you from connecting? Maybe it’s time to slow down and reconnect.
Busyness
In a similar vein, when you spend too much time working, whether in your career or your home, all that productivity is time not spent investing in relationships.
You might have fallen into a habit of staying busy so you don’t have to face relationships that aren’t as strong or happy as you wish they were. Or perhaps the busyness crept in gradually, until one day you suddenly realize you haven’t talked to your kids in days, or your sister in months.
Whatever the cause, realize that in the long run, relationships are more important than accomplishments. Don’t let work take over your life. Take time to invest in the people that matter.
The black hole of devices
We’ve all wasted hours scrolling through the internet or binge watching a show. In fact, very clever people spend millions of dollars to grab and keep our attention focused on our devices. And they are succeeding.
Google reports that Baby Boomers spend an average of three hours each day on their devices, and the average is almost double for Gen Z. If we spend hours each day staring at a little electronic device instead of talking with other humans, is it any wonder we feel a bit less connected than we used to?
People pleasing
We all have an innate desire to be seen and accepted. But many of us have learned to earn acceptance by blending in and becoming who others want us to be. Problem is, when we fall into people pleasing, we aren’t being seen and accepted for who we really are.
There is a place deep inside us that knows the difference between authentic friendship and fitting in to be accepted. That deep place feels the loneliness of not being seen and loved for who we really are.
Pretending to be fine (when you’re not)
We don’t want to admit we’re lonely. Loneliness is for weaklings, losers, and the socially inept—or so society tells us. In reality, loneliness is everywhere. In 2023 the Surgeon General called loneliness a public health epidemic. That means everywhere you turn, people who look like they have it all together are secretly lonely and miserable.
If you are feeling lonely, you are not fine. You are hurting.
We need positive relationships to thrive. We’re not created to handle life alone. So, if you’re feeling disconnected from loved ones, or like nobody cares, it’s time to admit to a trusted person that you’re not OK.
Simple steps to reconnect and stop feeling so lonely
- Take the initiative. Invite a friend to do something fun together.
- Get involved in a group. Join a Bible study or walking club, volunteer at the library, or sign up for another watercolor class. Find something you enjoy that will bring you into contact with like-minded people.
- Talk to a trusted friend or counselor. Admit you are feeling lonely. Also admit you are not as fine as you pretend you are. Talk through your pain and pray for guidance and people who can support you.
- Set an intention to change a habit. If you realize you’ve fallen into a habit that is pulling you away from face-to-face interactions, set an intention to create a better habit.
- Remember, habits don’t change quickly. Give yourself grace when you fall back into old habits and try again tomorrow. You can do it! One day at a time.
What One Small Step can you take TODAY to reconnect with someone?
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