As a grandparent, I naturally want the best for my grandchildren. That’s why I was delighted to host this guest post by Dr. Mel Tavares, author of Make Families Great Again. Dr. Tavares has brought her degrees in ministry and counseling and her 35 years of experience to give us powerful tips for understanding today’s youth culture and influencing grandchildren for good.
Here are her nine tips for influencing grandchildren.
Grandparents hold a unique and powerful place in the lives of their grandchildren. With years of experience, a broader perspective on life, and often more unhurried time, grandparents are especially well positioned to pass on values that shape character and guide future decisions. Unlike parents, grandparents often bring a calming presence and long view of life that helps children see beyond immediate emotions or circumstances. Teaching these lessons does not require formal instruction or perfect words; rather, it happens through relationship, consistency, and intentional everyday choices. When grandparents are thoughtful about how they live, listen, and love, they become trusted guides who help grandchildren grow not only in knowledge, but in wisdom.
Teach Through Everyday Moments
Grandparents teach values most effectively through daily interactions rather than formal lectures. Ordinary moments—running errands, sharing meals, handling delays, or responding to frustration—quietly shape how grandchildren learn to treat others. When a grandchild talks about being bullied or excluded at school, grandparents can acknowledge the hurt while modeling calm strength, dignity, and self-respect. How grandparents speak about teachers, parents, or authority figures also teaches children how to handle disagreement without disrespect.
Share Stories From Your Own Life
Personal stories give values depth and credibility. When grandparents share experiences about peer pressure, academic struggles, early jobs, or difficult relationships, grandchildren learn that challenges are part of life—not signs of failure. Stories about working hard when motivation was low, standing up for what was right, or learning from mistakes help children understand perseverance and integrity.
Create Meaningful Traditions
Traditions provide stability and create natural spaces for guidance. Regular shared meals can become opportunities to talk about school, friendships, and daily challenges. Annual traditions—such as setting goals at the start of the school year or reflecting on personal growth around birthdays—allow grandparents to speak encouragement and direction in a natural, non-pressured way. Over time, these traditions connect values to family identity and belonging.
Invite Grandchildren to Help
Inviting grandchildren to help with everyday tasks teaches responsibility, work ethic, and pride in contribution. Helping cook meals, clean up, garden, or complete small projects shows children that effort matters and everyone plays a role. When grandchildren complain about homework or chores, grandparents can gently connect these tasks to larger lessons about discipline, preparation, and perseverance. These shared responsibilities reinforce the value of doing one’s best, even when tasks are not enjoyable.
Ask Thoughtful Questions
Thoughtful questions help grandchildren learn how to think rather than what to think. When facing bullying, questions like “What response helps you keep your self-respect?” or “Who can help you if this continues?” guide problem-solving. When conversations turn to dating, questions about boundaries, respect, and character encourage wise choices. This approach builds moral reasoning, confidence, and accountability.
Be a Safe and Trusting Presence
Grandparents often serve as a safe place when children feel overwhelmed or misunderstood. By listening first and withholding judgment, grandparents encourage honesty. This emotional safety is especially important when grandchildren face academic pressure, peer conflict, or questions about relationships. Gentle guidance offered after listening teaches children that mistakes are opportunities for learning, not reasons for shame.
Encourage Service and Compassion
Encouraging grandchildren to look beyond themselves builds empathy and perspective. Serving others—whether helping a neighbor, donating belongings, or volunteering together—reminds children that kindness and generosity matter more than popularity or status. This perspective can be especially helpful when children experience bullying or comparison, reinforcing that their worth is not defined by others’ opinions.
Model Lifelong Learning
When grandparents remain curious and open to learning, they demonstrate that growth never stops. Reading together, learning new skills, or talking about lessons learned later in life reinforces the importance of education and perseverance. This modeling encourages children to value effort in school and to view challenges as opportunities to grow.
Demonstrate Unconditional Love
Above all, values are best received in the context of unconditional love. When grandchildren know they are loved regardless of grades, achievements, or mistakes, they gain confidence to make wise choices. This secure foundation is especially important when navigating dating, friendships, or academic disappointment. Love provides stability, while guidance provides direction.
Resources to help you influence grandchildren
I wrote a resource book just for parents and grandparents who desire to understand today’s youth culture and better address the issues they face. You’re a positive influence in their lives and by staying informed about these current challenges, you’ll be able to speak more directly to the culture they are living in.
Never Doubt Your Influence. The values grandparents share today quietly shape the people their grandchildren will become tomorrow. Through consistent example, honest conversation, shared traditions, and unconditional love, grandparents plant seeds that continue to grow long after childhood has passed. Whether guiding a child through bullying, encouraging respect for parents, emphasizing diligence in school, or modeling a strong work ethic, the influence is lasting and profound. By being intentional, patient, and present, grandparents leave a legacy far richer than material gifts—a legacy of character, wisdom, and love that carries forward for generations.
Bio
Dr. Mel Tavares is an award-winning author of books, articles, devotionals, and short stories. She is the Acquisitions and Managing Editor of Arise Daily; a digital daily devotional and 2025 recipient of the Award of Excellence given by the Evangelical Press Association (EPA). Dr. Mel is also the recipient of the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (AWSA) 2025 National Member of the Year award,
Mel holds a Doctor of Ministry in Pastoral Care and Counseling and has 35 years of experience working with families in education, rehabilitation, and ministry. Mel is a frequent event speaker and media guest.
Her latest book release is Make Families Great Again, which is being used as a tool to sound the trumpet across America, alerting parents and grandparents of the truths of today’s youth culture. It is up for several awards and is being highlighted in 2026, in conjunction with America’s 250th birthday and she welcomes opportunities to speak and highlight the message of the book.
She and her husband live in Middletown, Connecticut. They have seven adult children and eleven grandchildren. Resources can be found on her website: drmeltavares.com or you can email her directly at drmeltavares[at]gmail[dot]com.
Leave a Reply