If we want our life to life to change, or improve, or head in a different trajectory, we must begin by making different choices. Better choices.
Here are more empowering questions that will help us cut through the doubt, unhelpful emotions, lies we tell ourselves, and other issues that hinder us from making the best choices. If you missed my fist post on empowering questions, read it here.
More Empowering Questions
Question 4: Will this choice help me live out my values, or hinder me from living my values?
Sadly, we often allow our values to be trampled by the pressures of society—sometimes without even noticing how our values and the world’s are clashing. A corollary to this question is, “Does this choice force me to overstep my boundaries?” Consistently making choices that conflict with our values or boundaries will result in feelings such as anxiety, frustration, resignation, insecurity, weariness, and doubt. They are a red flag that you might need to begin asking this question more often.
Examples:
- You are invited to join your neighbors at a cookout. They are not particular friends and you’ve had a long day. Do you accept or not? If building relationships with those around you is a value, which choice helps you live it out? If self-care and overcoming people-pleasing is a value, which choice is best?
- You are considering a job opening at work. It provides higher pay and more prestige, but it will require extra hours and a fair bit of traveling. Ask yourself, “Will taking the job empower me or hinder me in living out my value of being there for my kids?”
Question 5: Will this choice energize me (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) or will it drain me of energy?
We all face necessary tasks that drain us, such as cleaning up vomit or having a difficult conversation. That’s life. Unfortunately, we sometimes make choices that suck our energy without counting the cost. Perhaps we are so used to a toxic situation that we don’t consider alternate choices. Perhaps we are following the crowd without considering how much an activity will drain us. Beware of allowing energy-sucking choices that don’t help you move toward a goal or life value.
Examples:
- You are invited to join your neighbors at a cookout. They are not particular friends and you’ve had a long day. Do you accept or not? Ask yourself, “Will visiting with the neighbors drain or energize me?” “If the activity will drain me, is it worth it?”
- You are considering a job opening at work. It provides higher pay and more prestige, but it will require extra hours and a fair bit of traveling. Ask yourself, “Are there enough aspects of this job that energize me, to counterbalance the extra work? Will the energy I expend on this job be worth it?”
Question 6: Is this choice an act of self-honoring or self-defeatist?
You and I would not consciously sabotage ourselves, would we? And yet, any time we neglect self-care, belittle our worth, beat ourselves up, or give up our dreams we are choosing defeatist, self-sabotaging actions or attitudes.
Examples:
- You are invited to join your neighbors at a cookout. You are tired and you suspect the menu will be mostly junk food you are trying to avoid. Ask yourself, “Will visiting with the neighbors help me honor myself and my health, or will it tempt me into decisions I will regret?”
- You are considering two job openings at work. One would be boring but easy for you to snag. The other would be a lot more challenging, but it’s what you dream of doing. Ask yourself, “Is sticking with the safe-but-boring job honoring me or bowing to self-defeatist beliefs? Would a person who loves themselves choose the safe-but-boring job or the challenging-but exciting job?”
I hope these additional empowering questions will help you make positive choices that lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life.
