In the past few posts, I’ve discussed how healthy relationships help you thrive and how to identify unhealthy friendships that steal our energy and our joy. This post focuses on what you and I can do to keep friendships healthy and growing. Whether you’re maintaining existing friendships or starting new ones, these twelve tips will help you be a better friend.
Check in regularly
Even if you can’t see your friend every day, you should keep in touch regularly. Checking in by text, phone, (or other means) communicates that you care and that you’re thinking of them. A simple message like, “Hey, I was thinking about you. Hope your day is going well.” maintains a sense of connection. You never know when that simple message will be just the encouragement a friend needs.
Be present when they need you
Sometimes simply being present is the most important thing you can do for a friend.
When a friend is going through a rough patch, do your utmost to be there for them. Even if that involves canceling other activities or rearranging your schedule. This means you must be aware enough of what’s happening in their life, so you know when it’s time to show up and offer support.
Therefore, if you want to be a better friend, pay attention to what’s going on in a struggling friend’s life, so you can sense when it’s time to show up.
Be reliable
If you promise to attend an event, show up. If you promise to do something for your friend, follow through. Keeping promises and doing your best to be reliable shows you care. It’s better to decline a request than to make promises you can’t keep.
If you’re forever making excuses for why you didn’t follow through, you’re communicating that you don’t value the friendship as much as you pretend you do.
Communicate gratitude
Make a point of telling your friends and loved ones you appreciate them. That you are thankful for their kindness and friendship. That you value their personality, their character, and the way they make you laugh or feel safe. We all like to feel appreciated. It builds good will and strengthens confidence.
Celebrate their successes
Make a point of cheering your friends on to success. Make the effort to celebrate with them when they achieve a goal, overcome a setback, or arrive at a milestone. Sometimes, being a better friend means taking the initiative to organize a celebration for someone who’s too shy or too busy to do it for themselves.
Listen well
If you want to be a better friend, take listening seriously. Friendships thrive on honest, open, two-way communication. Being a good listener shows you care and proves you value what your friend thinks (even if you don’t agree with everything they say).
Keep confidences
A friend knows the importance of honoring confidences. What is said between friends in private should remain private unless you’ve been given permission to share it. If you want to earn a person’s trust, always keep confidences and never talk behind a person’s back.
Show up authentically
Society teaches us how to pretend to be what we think others want us to be. But people pleasing and role playing don’t lead to solid, healthy, beneficial friendships. If you want to honor others and find people who will be true friends, you must show up authentically. Being vulnerable is a risk, but it’s the only way to build deep connection and trust.
Forgive their mistakes
Even your best friends make mistakes. Like all humans, they sometimes make bad choices or lash out in anger and say something hurtful. You will form stronger, better relationships if you don’t hold their mistakes over them. Give them the benefit of the doubt and a chance to do better next time.
(Forgiveness is not the same as allowing others to run roughshod over you, however. A relationship where one person continually misuses the trust of the other is not healthy.)
Apologize when you make mistakes
You and I aren’t perfect, either. We sometimes mess up, and when we do, the best way to repair a relationship is to apologize. Admitting our mistakes is the first step to maintaining trust and open communication.
Sometimes, you also need to make amends. To own up to damage, fix something you’ve accidentally broken, or otherwise make a situation right. Be a better friend by offering to make amends before you’re asked.
Communicate honestly
As scripture says, let your yes be yes and your no be no. Be honest and authentic in your communication by letting friends know what you think and feel, instead of only saying what you think they want to hear. Be polite, kind, and loving, but don’t tell a friend one thing when you really think or feel another way.
Honest communication between friends also means offering your opinions and preferences, instead of keeping them to yourself.
Don’t be afraid to intervene when safety or health is on the line
Good friends don’t meddle or manipulate. However, a good friend doesn’t stand by and allow another to face danger, abuse, or other serious harm when they have the power to do something about it.
How will you be a better friend this week?
No matter how far along we are in life, we can always learn how to be a little better. A little more thoughtful, inattentional, or compassionate. And, when you invest in growing a better friendship, you’ll be sure to reap the benefits.
