Why It Matters if Momma Ain’t Happy

You’ve seen it on plaques or T-shirts. “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

You might have cringed at the grammar.

Or you might have chuckled and nodded in rueful agreement.

You may hate it, or love it, but either way, you have to admit the underlying truth.

Because human brains are wired to be affected by the emotions of those around us. So, if Momma ain’t happy, the rest of the family is affected by those negative emotions. Conversely, when Momma is happy, her good mood enables the rest of the family to feel more positive too.

The lesson here: the happier we are, the better it is for those around us.

But wait! Isn’t it selfish to pursue personal happiness?

If our only goal is self-gratification, then yes, but if we choose to be cheerful and positive, even when we don’t feel like it, we are serving others.

A happiness that is sought for ourselves alone can never be found… True happiness is found in unselfish love, a love that increases in proportion as it is shared. ~ Thomas Merton

But if all humans are affected  by the emotions that surround us, doesn’t that mean we mommas (or daddies) can’t help feeling upset when the rest of the family is grumpy or uncooperative?

No, because we can choose our attitudes and actions, and that will affect our emotions. If we intentionally think and act in ways that are positive, we not only improve our personal sense of happiness, but also influence those around us. Not just our families, but our coworkers, our friends, even the person behind us in the checkout line.

No single energy can be more impactful on this planet than the joy and well-being emanating from one truly happy and loving person. ~ Barry Neil Kaufman

1. Be a “good finder.” – Whatever fills our heads affects our behavior. That’s why we warn our kids about the music they listen to and the video games they play. It’s true for us, as well! If we intentionally focus on what is right, instead of what is wrong, we will have a more positive outlook. Some of us do this naturally, but most of us have to work at looking for what is right, because it’s easier to notice things only when they aren’t working. Teach yourself, and your family, to look for good things. Make a habit of asking each day for anything someone noticed that was good—anything from a news item, to a personal success, to a compliment for another’s attitude. Find the good!
2. Get Perspective – It is so easy, in the midst of a minor but frustrating mess, to lose perspective. Yes, we are upset about the puddle of juice on the kitchen floor that the dog walked through before tracking sticky footprints across the living room carpet. But in the greater scheme of things, a mess that can be cleaned up in a few minutes is not very significant. It’s no use crying over spilled milk, as the saying goes. Learning not to respond to an inconvenience as if it were a tragedy will make Momma, and everyone else, happier.
3. Find ways to enjoy the work – We all face unglamorous tasks. Like it or not, a momma’s life is full of them. Facing such tasks can sour our mood. But they don’t have to. Paul advises us: Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. (NLT) If we can get it in our heads that we can serve God through all we do, even mundane stuff like washing dishes, it can do wonders for our attitude. As Rick Warren writes, “Work becomes worship when you dedicate it to God and perform it with an awareness of his presence.” Read more.
4. Take care of yourself – If we are physically, emotionally, or spiritually drained, it affects our current mood as well as our ability to maintain a good attitude when the world around us is not cooperating. (And how often does the world cooperate?) Many of us have a tendency to ignore our own well-being in order to take care of others, but this is not a healthy way to live in the long term. Taking time for ourselves, in order to remain healthy, is not selfish. It’s imperative.
5. Don’t take responsibility for other people’s happiness – While it is true that our mood affects those around you, it is not true that we are responsible for anyone else’s mood. We can do our part to provide a positive atmosphere, spend time teaching our children healthy attitudes, and show love and kindness in a million little ways. However, we cannot MAKE anyone else happy. Not our kids. Not our spouse. Not our parents. Not anyone. Study after study proves that happiness is not a matter of environment, but of attitude. A person will only be happy if they choose to be happy. We may do all we can to teach those we love to have positive, grateful attitudes, but ultimately it is up to them. Not us.