Holidays and Great Expectations

The weeks between Thanksgiving and New Years are filled with expectations.

On top of the normal schedule of work, family, and other responsibilities, we add a ton of extras, such as:

• Decorating (the house, the yard, the workplace…)
• Parties
• Big family dinners
• Holiday programs
• Gifts (shopping, wrapping, shipping…)
• Special foods
• Other holiday traditions

No matter how much we enjoy all the extras that go along with the holiday season, this busy time has the potential to cause stress, burnout, and disappointment. All our hopeful anticipation can lead to unrealistic expectations that in turn will spoil our joy, drain our energy, and leave us disillusioned with the whole stupid thing.

Can anyone relate?

To combat the stress of all these seasonal expectations, I offer one word:

Acceptance

1. Accept that you can’t do it all. The season has too much on offer, we simply can’t (and shouldn’t) squeeze every possible holiday activity into our already burdened schedules. Something has to give. It might be fewer holiday extras. It might be a reduction in housework, sports, or other stuff. We can either make intentional decisions on what stays and what gets dropped ahead of time–or else life will begin to unravel and stuff will fall through the cracks on its own. (Probably not the stuff we would have chosen.)
2. Accept your imperfections. Striving for perfection may be the #1 joy-killer, (aided and abetted by Pinterest and the Food Network). I am guessing neither Norman Rockwell nor Martha Stewart will be attending your holiday events, so what are you worried about? Accept that you are not the world’s premier cookie baker or most artistic home decorator. It’s OK. Really. Embrace what you can do and give yourself grace to call it sufficient.
3. Accept reasonable boundaries. This can be a difficult time to be a good steward of our time, energy and money. Accept that none of those resources are limitless. Accept that reasonable boundaries may force trade-offs or keep us from getting some things we want. Rest in the knowledge that staying within boundaries will ultimately allow us to savor the season with less stress and more joy.
4. Accept that the season is what it is. Some things come with the territory, like crowded shops, extra events, and Christmas decoration displayed in October. We can’t keep the parts we like and eliminate all the stuff we don’t. Remember the serenity prayer? Don’t waste your limited emotional energy getting upset over the stuff you cannot change.

On top of accepting the realities of our current lives and limitations, we can also accept the challenge of approaching the holidays with the right mindset. For example, we can:

5. Accept responsibility for setting the tone. Attitudes are contagious. If we neglect self-care in order to fulfill certain expectations, our stressed-out, exhausted, grouchiness might just ruin all our hard work. Instead, remember that enjoying the moments is more about mindset than event-planning. If we want our loved ones to enjoy the season, we need to start by keeping our own energy and emotions in a healthy balance so we can maintain a positive and pleasant attitude.
6. Accept the challenge of finding the good. Even in the events or traditions we could do without. We tend to see what we look for. If we view a Christmas program, shopping expedition, or family gathering with an eye for what goes wrong, we will surely find it. However, if we approach those same events with the intention of noticing what is funny, pleasant, or praiseworthy, we are much more likely to A) find such moments, B) enjoy the whole event a lot more, and C) come away with a better attitude about life.
7. Accept the truth that we are blessed. Compared to most of the world’s population, we live in wealthy society. We have the freedom to gather together and a realistic expectation that our parties will not be interrupted by warfare or secret police. No matter our situation, we can choose to count our blessings. (That may sound trite, but it is true.) Many studies show that practicing gratitude helps us improve our outlook, increase our sense of happiness, and fight the effects of stress.

I hope my thoughts will encourage all of you to find joy in this festive season.