It’s important to celebrate the milestones in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. We recently celebrated a big event: my daughter-in-law graduated with a Doctor of Occupational Therapy degree. In a few weeks we will have another big celebration when my son gets married. Of course, both of these milestones merit major celebrations!
And I don’t want to miss the party.
What do I mean by missing the party? Attending a special event—but not really being there because my head is somewhere else instead of paying attention to the moment.
How to miss the party
It’s easier than you might think to be so caught up in something else that we forget to enjoy the moment right in front of us. Here are some issues I’ve experienced that interfered with my enjoying the event as I should:
- Hyper Hostess Syndrome: When I’m too busy being hostess to stop and actually enjoy the party or chat with the guests.
- Photo Fixation: Being so focused on getting that perfect photo that I forgot to pay attention to what was happening.
- Party Zombie: The times I let myself get so exhausted by the prep work that by the time the event arrived I was too tired to participate.
- Introvert Hangover: What happens when I am not mentally prepared for an event and I find myself shutting down due to overwhelm.
- Gala-phobia: Anytime I feel so intimidated or anxious about the details of a Big Fancy Event that I am too uptight and self-conscious to enjoy it. (Would I find the venue in time? Was I wearing the right outfit? Was I using the right fork? …)
- Future-Tense: When I am so uptight about something happening in the future (worrying, problem-solving, planning, etc.) that I forget to slow down and enjoy the party I’m actually at right now.
- Autopilot: I’m there, I’m going through the motions, but I’m not really feeling anything because I’ve allowed my head to wandered off to some interior alternate universe.
Yeah, I’ve missed too many parties, but I’ve learned from my mistakes. Here are my suggestions for keeping yourself in the moment so you can enjoy the event instead of drifting through it and realizing later that you non-alcohol-induced memory loss.
How to avoid missing the party
- Remember the main point. Before the party starts, remind yourself how important the event is and why you don’t want to miss any of it. Resolve to give the event your undivided attention.
- Practice savoring the present. The more you practice staying in the moment the easier it becomes, so start paying attention. Watch for moments when you are comparing your Now with a past or future event. For example, you think: This pizza isn’t as good as the one I had last week, or I hope we find pizza this good when we go on vacation. When you catch yourself thinking that way, stop and pay attention to what you’re enjoying right then instead.
- Switch your focus. The more you fixate on what makes you anxious, the more anxious you will feel. Instead, acknowledge that you feel anxious, and then focus on something that is happening around you. The more you forget about yourself, the more you will relax and be your natural self.
- Inhabit the present. Focus on what is happening right now. Tune into your senses. What do you feel, hear, smell? How do those sensations make you feel? Choose something to savor and enjoy it for all it’s worth.
- Rebound. When you notice you are drifting away, bring your head back to the present with one of these tricks:
- Paying attention to the physical process of taking a breath can re-center your attention.
- Memory jogger. Choose an object that reminds you to be present. Wear it or keep it in your pocket, so you can touch it whenever you need a reminder of where your head is supposed to be
- Choose a simple phrase that reminds you why this event is so important. For example: My son is getting married! My son is getting married!
- Own your emotions. Emotions can sabotage a celebration, tempting you to withdraw and erect barriers to keep your feelings from showing. The cure: accept whatever emotions you feel without judging or trying to push them away. Emotions may not be convenient, but trying to control or deny them leads to frustration not celebration.
- Know your Achilles’ Heel. Decide ahead of time that you won’t do something that is almost sure to suck you away from mindful celebrating. For example, if you get too fixated on taking photos, ask someone else to do it for your next special event.
Do you have a reason to celebrate this month? Don’t miss the party! Instead, promise yourself you will give the celebration your wholehearted, undivided attention.
