If we want our life to life to change, or improve, or head in a different trajectory, we must begin by making different choices. Better choices.
Sounds easy enough, and yet too often we keep making the same old choices and remain stuck where we are instead of growing.
Why?
- Because we are too busy to think, so we operate on autopilot or pick whatever is easiest at the moment.
- Because we forget to pay attention to the multitude of small daily choices, so we opt for our default response without noticing.
- Because we lose sight of the long-term consequences for our choices. Most daily decisions don’t have immediate consequences that are negative, so we forget that making those teeny choices over and over again will result in negative outcomes.
- Because we waste time and energy agonizing over choices using unhelpful criteria that cloud the root issues rather than clarify what is really at stake.
- Because we forget that every small decision matters. Every decision leads to the next one. They add up over days and weeks, pushing us slowly but surely into a certain set of behaviors.
That last is both bad news and good news. Small choices add up, which means we can make significant changes by adjusting a few small choices. We do have the power to change—to grow, to learn, to improve. It can begin one simple choice at a time.
How can we make better choices?
We need a new way to look at how we make choices and how those choices affect us.
Here are three empowering questions that will help us cut through the doubt, unhelpful emotions, lies we tell ourselves, and other issues that hinder us from making the best choices.
Empowering Questions:
Question 1: Will this choice sacrifice long-term success in order to provide me with immediate comfort or gratification?
We have many opportunities each day to opt for what will make us happy now at the expense of habits or goals we want to achieve. We know which is the better choice, but instead of remembering our long-term goal we focus on how we feel and let that be the deciding factor. This question helps us keep things in perspective.
Examples:
- You have made a decision to eat healthier. You want an afternoon snack. Should you choose a cookie or a piece of fruit? Ask yourself, “Am I willing to sacrifice my goal to eat healthier by eating this cookie? Is the sacrifice worth it?”
- You have an idea for a service project that would help your community, but to get started you need to make some cold calls to local businesses to ask for funding. The idea of asking for money makes you uncomfortable. Ask yourself, “Am I willing to sacrifice this worthwhile idea because I would rather not venture out of my comfort zone and solicit funds?”
Question 2: Will this choice help me move toward my goals, dreams, and values, or will it keep me in the past I am trying to outgrow?
Why would we choose to stay stuck in the past instead of moving forward? Because we’d rather keep to what is safe and familiar than take a risk which might result in failure or head off into the unknown. Risk is scary. It’s easier to stay safely where we are, but do you want to remain stuck in the same place your whole life?
Examples:
- You have made a decision to eat healthier. Do you expend effort to try new recipes and foods, or stick with what you’re used to cooking? Ask yourself, “Which will help me move toward my goal: Trying new recipes I may not like or sticking to what I already know, even though it’s not as healthy as I want to be?”
- You have an idea for a service project that would help your community, but to get started you need to make some cold calls to local businesses to ask for funding. In the past you’ve experienced failure when soliciting money for an idea. Ask yourself, “Which action will move me toward realizing my vision, avoiding failure by never asking for money again, or doing the scary thing and asking strangers for money?”
Question 3: Does this choice feed my soul or does it feed my need to please someone else?
Or, to put it another way: Am I making the best choice for me, or am I acting out of fear lest someone not like me? There are times when we must sacrifice our own needs for the good of others. But many times we choose to please someone else for selfish reasons—often a bid to win their approval or make them appreciate us.
We cannot honor our God-given calling if we are controlled by our need to make others like us. We cannot reach our potential if we live in fear of what others think. (Did it ever occur to you that what others think about you or your dreams might be incorrect?)
Examples:
- You have made a decision to eat healthier but a coworker offers you a piece of cake. Ask yourself, “Am I saying yes to this piece of cake because it’s my favorite and it’s worth the calories, or because I don’t want to hurt my coworker’s feelings?”
- You have an idea for a service project that would help your community, but it will take lots of time and effort. Ask yourself, “Am I pursuing this project because it makes me feel alive and honors my passions, or because it will impress someone important?”
I hope these questions will help you make at least one better choice today.
For more empowering questions, check out part two.
