How to Move Past Your Hang-ups over Asking for Help

I don’t like asking for help. Chances are, you don’t like to either.

Why is that?

It’s a complex question that doesn’t have a simple answer, but here are some common reasons you and I dislike admitting we need help.

• Loss of pride. When we admit we can’t go it alone, it may feel like we’re a failure. Needing help means we must be stupid or inept.
• Loss of independence. Our western society values independence, yet needing help means we’re depending on others. For those who want to control their own destiny, interdependence is a scary thought.
• It tarnishes our image. Asking for help can make us feel small, impotent, or worthless. We fear we’ll lose status and others will look down on us.
• Shame and belittlement. Needing help means admitting our weakness. We fear others will make fun of us for being weak and unable to achieve success on our own.
• Being shown as an imposter. We may fear that if we ask for help everyone will see through our act and realize we’re a fraud—that in fact we are incapable, uneducated, and unworthy.
• Loss of control. When we ask for help we are no longer in total control. We tacitly allow those helping us to have control over how things are done and what the outcome will be.
• Rejection. What if others refuse to help? That’s like a double dose of shame. Not asking might feel safer than asking and being rejected.

Now that we’ve gotten those fears into the open, it’s time to state the facts: No one can succeed without the help of others. We need to get over our fear and pride and embrace the reality that asking for help is a better strategy for success than trying to muddle through life solo.

So how do we get over our I-need-help hangups? A better mindset is a good place to start.

Five healthier attitudes about asking for and accepting help

Recognize that we are made for community. Being totally independent of other humans isn’t healthy. God didn’t design us to work that way. Remember those passages in the New Testament about various body parts working together? That’s how all of life should be. Each of us has unique strengths and weaknesses. Together we function as an effective whole. Apart we miss our full potential.

Acknowledge the power of cooperation. Thomas Edison is famous for inventing a workable light bulb. What is not so well known is that he hired a whole team of scientists to experiment with various substances until they found one that worked satisfactorily. He couldn’t have gone through the 2,500 plus trials all by himself. His success lay in realizing the best way to solve the problem was teamwork.

Believe in the generosity of others. Sometimes we opt not to ask because we don’t want to impose on others, or because we think we’re not worth their time. We forget that most people genuinely enjoy helping someone. We humans like making a difference, and giving a friend or coworker a hand can be an opportunity to shine.

Change your focus. Instead of focusing on the fact that you need help, switch your thinking to focus on how asking for help honors their abilities and knowledge. Asking them to help you communicates that you value their time and talents.

Choose progress over pride. Acknowledge that pride and stubborn independence can impede progress. Remember how a two-year-old insists, “I do it myself” even when A) they can’t actually do it themselves or B) allowing a parent to help will make the process go smoothly and end in success rather than failure. Don’t make that same mistake. Take pride in a final job well done through a team effort rather than a slipshod job done without help.

Now it’s my turn.

An unknown author like me needs lots of help. My book won’t be discovered unless both friends and strangers help spread the word that it exists and it’s worth reading.

Which means I need your help. I need people like you to help me promote my book, and I need people like you to encourage me along the way.

So I’m taking my humble pill, embracing the fact that I need help, and asking you, my faithful blog readers, to help me. Here are three ways you can help:

1. If you enjoy historical fiction or mysteries, consider buying my book and reading it. (The e-book version is only $2.99!) If you like it, tell your friends about it.
2. You could share my news with others by grabbing one of the memes or tweets below and posting it on your social media accounts.
3. You can send me an email to encourage me. Let me know how my blog posts have encouraged you or made your life easier.

Tweetables:

I love this amusing historical mystery by my friend Lisa E. Betz. Grab a copy of Death and a Crocodile here: https://amzn.to/33aAnEh

Looking for a great read? I recommend Death and a Crocodile by Lisa E. Betz, a lighthearted historical mystery set in first-century Rome, featuring a feisty amateur sleuth, a cast of eccentric characters, and an unrepentant, sausage-snatching cat. Order here: https://amzn.to/33aAnEh