In my last post, I stated that boundaries draw clear lines around what behaviors you tolerate and what behaviors you don’t, as defined by the phrase “It’s not OK when…” This post I’m looking at boundaries from a different angle:
What do you need to be whole?
Healthy boundaries define what you need in order to be whole, which includes being: healthy, supported, seen, heard, and safe. When we fail to set boundaries and hold other people accountable for honoring them, we allow ourselves to be used, mistreated, ignored, or unsafe instead of whole.
You and I are at our best when we are whole and healthy in all aspects of our lives: physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Therefore, wholeness enables us to be our best selves and do our best work.
Benefits of being whole and healthy include:
- Increased productivity. When we’re healthy, we have more stamina, self-confidence, and clarity of mind.
- Greater ability to serve others. By guarding our health and priorities, we have more time and energy to serve the causes that matter to us.
- Better creativity and problem-solving. When we’re not stressed out or mentally exhausted, we can think more clearly and come up with better ideas.
- Improved patience and empathy. When we’re emotionally healthy, we’re better able to cope with others who are troubled.
- Greater flexibility. If we’re not on the verge of burnout, we have more margin to be flexible, understanding, and cooperative.
- Improved relationships. We can give our best to those we love instead of giving them the dregs after others have drained us.
As I’m sure you’re aware, staying whole and healthy isn’t easy. The world around us is filled with distractions, disasters, and temptations that trip us up and hinder our well-being. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries will help us avoid (as much as possible) those things that will drag us down, steal our health, and mess with our well-being.
Healthy boundaries help you:
- Protect yourself from toxic relationships and abuse
- Protect yourself from burnout and disillusionment
- Stay healthy and happy
- Increase your sense of security and peace
- Feel less resentment and conflict with others
- Reduce guilt and stress
- Gain confidence, self-esteem, and respect
- Find more time and energy for things that matter to you
- Develop a greater ability to show compassion
Great, but how do I create healthy boundaries? Or keep others from ignoring them? The right mindset can help.
Mindset tips for creating healthy boundaries
When pondering boundaries, consider these statements:
- I have a right to set and maintain boundaries.
- My health and wholeness are not less important than other people’s.
- I need to respect the boundaries of others, and they need to respect my boundaries.
- I’m the only one who can define and defend my boundaries.
- If I don’t stand up for my boundaries, others will cross them and take advantage of me.
- My friends and family might be disappointed when they don’t get their way, but that’s not the end of the world. In the long run, we will all be happier when I keep healthy boundaries.
- There will be people who refuse to accept my boundaries, no matter what I do. I can’t change them, but I can limit my exposure to them.
Final Thoughts
In what areas do you most struggle to maintain healthy boundaries that enable you to stay whole and healthy?
Choose one boundary that you need to redefine in order to improve your well-being, and then communicate your new boundary to others this week. Be prepared for push-back, and calmly stand firm.
