Want a great definition of waiting? Waiting is what you do when you can’t do what you want to do. Doesn’t sound like fun, right? For most of us, most of the time, waiting is HARD. But these three concepts from the book Waiting Isn’t a Waste by Mark Vroegop can help you make waiting less painful.
Why is waiting so painful?
We don’t like uncertainty. We want to feel like we’re in control and know where we’re headed. But waiting means living with unfulfilled desires, unmet needs, or unclear answers—the opposite of what we prefer. Ugh.
Waiting messes up our agendas. It throws a wrench in our carefully laid plans.
Waiting feels like inefficiency and bad design. In today’s world, getting results as quickly as possible is a hallmark of success. If a website doesn’t load in milliseconds, we’ve clicked off it to something else. It’s no wonder we find waiting painful when we’ve learned to expect faster and faster results.
Besides all that, waiting just plain delays the satisfaction of getting what we want the moment we want it. Humph.
The root of the issue
What’s the big problem underneath much of our struggle with patience and waiting?
Expectations.
As Vroegop defines it, Patience is what you need when you must wait longer than you expected. And the larger the gap between what we expect and what we are experiencing, the harder patience becomes.
Therefore, adjusting our expectations is a powerful way to make waiting less painful.
Unfortunately, many of us have unconsciously adopted unrealistic expectations around waiting. We expect everything in our lives to work as efficiently and effortlessly as ordering something online with a single click.
And that’s not how the world works.
How to make waiting less painful? Start by expecting it.
Sometimes our expectations around waiting result from simply not planning for the inevitable. Stop being surprised that you need to wait for stuff!
Waiting is a normal part of everyday life, from stopping at red lights to waiting your turn in a checkout line to awaiting medical test results. When we expect waiting and factor it into our plans, it’s far easier to remain patient instead of reacting in anger, frustration, or worry.
We can factor waiting into our plans by:
- Adding a waiting buffer in our schedule so we don’t feel rushed or late
- Bringing along something to do in the waiting room. (Think beyond your phone here. What can you do that is productive or enjoyable?)
- Not setting unrealistic expectations around how soon we will get results.
- Adding grace to stressful waiting. When we anticipate the likelihood of waiting and know it will be emotionally difficult (such as for a biopsy result) we can plan soothing activities and expect ahead of time that we won’t be at our most productive and upbeat.
Shift your focus
Instead of focusing on the thing we want but don’t yet have, we can choose to focus on more positive things. The less we focus on the negative and what we lack, the less we are sucked down into attitudes like bitterness, discouragement, or worry. And the easier it is to stay hopeful and resilient in the face of long bouts of waiting.
What do we shift our focus to? We can practice gratitude by looking for the many good things that are true in the moment, even though we are waiting.
We can intentionally remind ourselves of who God is, how trustworthy and powerful he is, and how much he loves us (even though he is allowing us to wait). This helps us trust that he sees us, knows what we desire, and has a plan that is good.
Practice intentional waiting
“Instead of seeing waiting as something that happens to you, I’d like you to see waiting as something you choose to do. Rather than seeing waiting as what you do when you are stuck, what if you intentionally embraced it? What if waiting on the Lord is an expression of obedience? What if it’s an act of hope-filled, gusty faith?” Mark Vroegop in Waiting Isn’t a Waste
How does intentional waiting make waiting less painful? It shifts waiting from something we want to avoid into something we choose to do. Not because it’s fun, but because we trust it will be good for us in the long run. Intentional waiting is founded on the belief that God’s plans are always best, and his timing is always perfect.
And ours are not.
Therefore, submitting all our questions, desires, needs, and dreams to him first—before we plan anything, do anything, or even expect anything—is an act of proactive, hope-filled, intentional, obedient waiting.
A final thought to ease the pain of waiting
We can help others make waiting less painful, too. We can be sensitive to those who are in a long season of tough waiting and intentionally support them through it.
Waiting is emotionally draining. It can be hard not to lose heart. We can support our friends and family through the waiting by simply sticking with them. Checking in, sending words of encouragement, even offering practical help or a meal. In all these acts, we recognize the toll waiting can take, and we let them know they are not forgotten and that we hope with them as they wait.
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