Do you find it easier to answer the question, “Name five things you don’t like about yourself” than the question, “Name five things you like about yourself.”?
Many of us do.
Unfortunately, we seem to come with built-in software that causes a negative bias. We have an automatic tendency to pay more attention to what went wrong and how we failed than we do to what went right and how we succeeded. We tend to dwell on mistakes, insults, and frustrations longer than we do to compliments, kindnesses, or joy.
Since a negative bias is automatic, we need to intentionally choose to pay attention to the positives. The wins, kind words, and good things that happen in our day.
And that includes intentionally thinking about what you like about yourself.
Can you name five things you like about yourself?
If you struggle to answer the question, here are some prompts to spur your thinking
- Name something you are naturally good at. Just because you find something easy doesn’t mean it’s not a compliment-worthy skill. God gave each of us innate abilities. We honor him when we recognize our talents, hone them, and use them to benefit others.
- Name a skill you’ve worked at until you became proficient. Anything from playing an instrument to learning how to use computer program (such as Canva or Excel) to getting fit enough to run a 5K race. Good for you!
- Think of one character trait you are proud of. Don’t let your inner critic keep you focused on the ones you’re trying to change. What’s one positive trait you have right now? Are you usually cheerful? Do you say thank you to those who serve you? Are you determined? Do you ask good questions?
- List a positive habit you manage to keep most of the time. We tend to notice the times we fail, but step back and look at the larger picture. Do you manage to eat healthy most meals each week? Do you make it to exercise class most of the time? Do you react in kindness and patience to those you interact with 90% of the time? Good for you. Sure, there’s room for improvement, but give yourself credit for the times you succeed. That hard work matters. Also, remembering your progress will help you stay motivated.
- Name one positive decision you’ve made this week.
- Name something others appreciate about you. This is a great question to help you notice aspects of yourself you may take for granted. Or to remind you of how much your words, attitudes, and actions matter to others. Often, it’s the simple, everyday things we do and say that end up being remembered when we’re gone. This is part of our legacy.
- List a tough situation you’ve overcome in your life. The fact you’ve survived the event and the wounding/grief/injury it caused says a lot. You’re resilient! You are an overcomer! This is something to be proud of.
- Name something you love to do. We don’t need to be embarrassed or defensive of things we love to do that either rejuvenate our souls or engage positively with others (or both). Celebrate your favorite activities, in the same way a sports fan roots for her favorite teams.
Congratulations. These prompts should have helped you come up with at least five things you like about yourself.
Pay attention to the positive moments
As you go about your week, remember your answers and practice noticing other good things about yourself, others, and your world.
Pay attention to the moments when you:
- Make a wise choice
- Resist a temptation
- Do something kind
- Hold fast to an important boundary
- Receive a compliment or thank you
- Keep your cool in a tense situation
- Succeed at something you find challenging (no matter how insignificant it seems to you).
- Find yourself humming happily to yourself
- Find yourself fully immersed in an activity that you enjoy
The more you pay attention to all the good things in your life and all the good choices you make, the easier it is to be grateful, confident, and resilient.
And I hope the next time someone asks, “Name five things you like about yourself” you can answer with confidence.
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