Some people are naturally confident. The rest of us have to work at it. No matter where we are on the confidence spectrum, we all have the ability to grow more confident in any and every area of life.
Before I get into the how, let’s take a close look at what I mean by confidence. I’m not talking about bravado or arrogance. Healthy confidence isn’t blind to the realities of life. Instead, it’s a belief that even when I don’t know all the answers, or I’ve never faced this challenge before, I believe I am capable of working through it. Here’s a succinct definition:
Self-confidence: Trust in one’s abilities, capacities, and judgment. A belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.
APA Dictionary of Psychology
From the definition, it becomes obvious that our confidence is based on how we think about ourselves. It’s about trusting our abilities (skills and talents), capacities (ability to learn or cope), and judgment (wisdom, discernment, knowledge). Confidence comes into play with tasks we do every day, and with situations we’ve never faced before. And we’ll feel more confident in some situations than we will in others.
It should be obvious that confidence is critical for success. We need to be confident in our ability to cope with life, or else all we’ll want to do is stay home curled up in a ball on the sofa.
And that’s not what we were created to do with our lives.
So how do you and I grow in confidence? Here are some strategies to help.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes.
Fear of making mistakes is a huge confidence killer. We need to place our confidence in our ability to gain skills rather than the outcome of our effort. For example: I am confident that I could learn how to play the piano if I worked at it. However, that confidence assumes I would make plenty of beginner mistakes as I was developing the skills. I have no confidence at all that I could become a piano player who could play flawlessly from the get-go.
Another example: I am a competent driver but I don’t always pull into parking spaces perfectly straight. I don’t let this imperfection erode my confidence that I can handle a car.
Practice positive self-talk.
Everybody has negative voices inside their heads. That negative self-talk can sabotage confidence, so don’t listen to it. The first step is to notice those negative thoughts and remind yourself that they aren’t true. Then reframe negative thoughts and statements in more positive ways. For example, take the negative thoughts beginning with “I can’t __” and change them to something that leaves room for growth, such as “I don’t yet know how to___” or “I’m still a beginner but I can get better at___”
Remember your past achievements.
When we lack confidence, we often downplay past achievements. So it helps to look back and remind yourself of how far you’ve come. What have you learned? What skills have you improved? What life troubles have you survived? What new things have you tried? What goals have you succeeded in reaching?
The more you focus on the times you succeeded instead of the times you failed, the more you will help your confidence to grow.
Surround yourself with confidence-boosting people.
The people around you affect us in many ways. When we spend time with people who thrive on growth, challenge, and making things happen, their confidence can rub off on us. You can see them work despite the fear. You can see they are imperfect but still accomplish things.
In addition, we need to spend time with people who encourage us and want to see us thrive. We need mentors, coaches, and peers who will walk alongside us as we grow into new skills and thus grow in confidence.
Reduce confidence-sapping influences
As a corollary to the tip above, spend less time with those who feed your negative beliefs. Those who belittle you or who are overly critical. Those who spread fear and pessimism with their negative outlooks. Also watch out for those who lack drive and confidence. Their timidity, cynicism, or lack of motivation can weigh you down.
Be aware that you are influenced by the messages of all you hear, view, and read as well a by contact with actual people. If your confidence is struggling, take a good look at your media consumption. Are you allowing negative attitudes to color your outlook? Maybe it’s time to switch to a more uplifting feed.
Take care of your self—body, mind and spirit
Nobody performs at their best when they are run-down. It’s easier to feel confident when we feel good: Alert, well-rested, and full of energy. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health all interact with each other, and each plays a part in boosting or draining our confidence levels.
If your confidence has been weak lately, ask yourself if you’re feeling not-so-great in some aspect of your health. Boosting health in any area through self-care will strengthen the rest, so every little bit helps.
Do it even when you’re afraid
Confident people aren’t fearless. They’ve learned to strengthen their courage muscles by doing things even though they feel afraid. Take public speaking, one of the top fears for most of us. Most of the people who are successful speakers started out afraid of speaking in public. But they chose to act despite their fear, and over time they learned to conquer it.
You can follow the same strategy to conquer the fears that hold you back and steal your confidence. Every time you do something despite your fear (instead of backing away and playing it safe) two things happen. A) Your brain gives you a hit of dopamine, rewarding you for the action you just took. B) You are slowly reprogramming your neural pathways. If you continue to act despite your fear, you’ll eventually cease to fear that action.
Confident people have learned to act even when they’re afraid of messing up, looking foolish, or failing. You can take small steps toward boosting courage by accomplishing something you’ve been putting off because it makes you a teeny bit uncomfortable. Then try something a little bit more scary.
You can do it! Every time you decide to face a fear and accomplish a task instead of giving into fear and procrastinating, you are strengthening your confidence muscles.
Final thoughts
Confidence is something we can continue to work on throughout our lives. These are just a few of the strategies you can use to boost your confidence. Where do you most struggle when it comes to acting in confidence? Which of these tips do you need to try this week?
