The path to self-growth begins with self-awareness—understanding who we are and why we act as we do. One helpful tool for becoming more self-aware is the enneagram personality types. Think of it as a lens through which we can understand different personalities. If you’re a compassionate, thoughtful person who is always willing to care for others, but you struggle with people-pleasing and saying no, you may be an enneagram Type Two.
The foundation of the enneagram is the concept that each of the nine personality archetypes has adopted a single core mistruth about themselves that drives how they act, think, and feel. Let’s take a closer look at the Type Two, also known as the Giver or the Helper.
Type Two in brief
- The core misconception: I am unwanted and unworthy of love. I must earn love through serving others.
- What they want: I yearn to be loved and appreciated by everyone. I want others to care for me in the same way I care for them.
- Common flaws: I can become prideful that I am indispensable to others. I need to be needed. I cannot admit my own needs.
- Their definition of best: Best means the most caring and thoughtful.
- Their superpowers: Empathy, altruism, and listening. The make the most caring, compassionate, and supportive friends.
- They can’t help: “Reading” people and noticing everyone’s feelings and needs. Being aware of tensions between others.
- Typical character traits: Likeable, Friendly, Caring, Empathetic, Servant-Minded, People-Pleasing, Generous.
What is life like as a Type Two?
Since I’m not a Type Two, I can’t speak from personal experience, so I’ll be relying on the experts to build a more complete picture to help you understand them.
Some common traits
- A Two’s primary joy is interacting with others. They are able to strike up a conversation with anyone at any time. A Two will talk to strangers in elevators, engage in conversation with waiters, and ask the checkout clerk if they have prayer requests.
- They think of everything in terms of relationships. They have more and deeper relationships than any other number.
- Twos believe that everyone is their responsibility in some way or other. They simply assume that everyone needs their help and protection.
- Twos can be so focused on giving to win the affection of many that they take themselves for granted, and sometimes their closest family as well.
- They may believe their help is always well-intentioned and altruistic, when sometimes it’s more about a bid for attention and approval.
- Because people’s needs and emotions are obvious to them, Twos assume others can intuit their needs without them needing to say anything. This leads to disappointment when others fail to serve a Two the way a Two serves them.
What Type Twos say about themselves
- I have a need to please the person I’m talking to, so I tend to agree with whatever they say so they’ll like me.
- As a child I was absolutely devastated when someone didn’t like me.
- I always carried extra supplies and tried to make friends by offering these supplies to classmates. Being nice, helpful, and generous was my way to get along and have everyone like me.
- Most people like happy people who flatter them and meet their needs.
- I tend to overcommit and then get stressed out. But if I am not involved socially with groups I feel are important, I can get easily bored or even depressed. [i]
Suggestions for interacting with Type Twos
- Twos need to process things verbally. They must talk things out in order to think through an issue. Misunderstandings will be reduced if you enable them to talk through their decisions.
- Don’t believe them when they say they are fine. Press a little more to see if they’re as OK as they think.
- Realize they have difficulty telling others what they need. When they drop hints, pay attention, and ask them to clarify what they really want or need from you.
- Twos don’t need to be in charge, but they do need to have their contributions acknowledged.
- Although they want honest feedback, Twos will take everything personally. They know intellectually that your statement isn’t a personal attack, but they still feel it that way. Have patience and be gentle.
- They need a partner who is demonstrative with their affection and loves them for who they are, not what they do.
In summary
Each of us is a unique child of God. I hope this post helps you understand and appreciate the friendly, caring, eager to please, sometimes over-extended helpers among us. We need their cheerful, perceptive empathy and their dedicated service as they meet the needs around them. We can honor them by thanking them for their efforts, not taking them for granted, and reminding them to give priority to self-care.
Check out the resources below to learn more about Type Twos, their struggles, challenges, and strengths.
My favorite Enneagram resources.
Want to learn more about the Enneagram and figure out which type you might be? I highly recommend starting with The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. If you want to learn more about enneagram types in relationships, try The Road Between Us by Suzanne Stabile. For those interested in going deeper, check out The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut.
If podcasts are your thing, try listening to Typology with Ian Cron or The Enneagram Journey with Suzanne Stabile.
[i] Beatrice Chestnut, The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge, p 357, 373
